flashpoint

YDK · 01-30-2014, 01:25 AM

Imagine snapping photographs, before the tears and after laughs,
Subtract the smiles add the fear, and life is over in a flash.

61 years ago I took my brothers hand in my own,
Back when you still needed a cord to use the telephone.
Back when life was hard but people said it was simple,
Back when only cops an robbers carried a pistol.
I remember that day clearly despite the Alzheimers,
He was holding a ball bound with the same material as recliners.
After that picture he looked me in the eyes, as if to say,
He knew our lives would fly by, if we let them slip away.
We held tight to each other despite losing our mother,
Tuberculosis claimed her the same way I claim my brother.
Years after her passing we started to grow distant,
Yet remembrance is key, when you feel locked in an instant.
I took her death pretty hard as I resorted to whisky,
My brother moved on and I just hoped that he missed me.
I wish I could tell you where my father was at the time,
But we never saw him a day after he quit working the mine.
As you can tell I've been through hell since that picture was taken,
My brother, Gary, got married and my life was left vacant.
I was invited of course but my drinking habit implored,
I stay an hour later at the pub, then I returned in remorse.
I had overslept, hungover, I missed the wedding and all,
Awoke distraught in my bedding; this time I dropped the ball.
I shrugged it off and forgot about the years I had wasted,
Knowing my brother was satisfied and I could never replace it.

23 years after my brother and I had last spoken
He showed up at my door alone, crying, and broken.
His wife had passed away, tuberculosis had claimed another,
And that was the same night that I regained my brother.
We reminisced and laughed; then mourned our family lost,
Admitted my addiction and what my insanity cost.
He helped me become sober, I helped him smile again,
Slowly we both aged while revealing the child within.
We both came to the conclusion we had each other for a reason,
Born from the same instant, recreated, and learned perseverance.
After the miseries suffered we discovered the truth,
With age comes wisdom, and with wisdom comes proof.
We captured one last photo to honor the past,
And with the push of a button...
it was gone in a flash.

YDK · 01-31-2014, 12:32 AM

http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=48490

Frank · 01-31-2014, 01:40 AM

'And that was the night I reclaimed my brother' line hit me like a ton of bricks. I had a good gulp after the tuberculosis line.

Decent writing; good story telling though, you relayed the story at an effective pace. I really liked the wording of the opening segement.

Overall satisfied with what I read. The photograph was great. Not sure if you wrote it intentionally or added the picture later.

Keep it real. Keep at it. Peace.

YDK · 01-31-2014, 01:42 AM

Thanks man, I wrote it to the pic for a battle on another site

YDK · 02-01-2014, 04:47 AM

Up?

Smooth · 02-01-2014, 09:44 AM

Wow bro, I cant even chose a favorite part.. this entire piece was extremely heavy. I loved this fam.
Much respect. This piece is the water-works. excellent stuff.

YDK · 02-02-2014, 06:21 PM

Lol excellent stuff is the only part I understood abut that post but thanks I think

Verb · 02-03-2014, 05:44 AM

WOW this totally sucks dirty whore balls...you're such a Kuhnt :P I'll leave YOU feed in the actual battle. I think from what I have read you'll be that chump in the no show shine. good attempt but you're going to need to go hard if you want to see me in the champ match Kuhnta Kintae. Love you bro lol

Lars · 02-03-2014, 07:27 AM

LOL I thought @Verb was being a dick as I started reading his post

This was solid, def. read more focused than some of your other work, seemed streamlines and train of thought rather than scattered like your some of your idea scan seem to be in other pieces when you've wrote quick. this was developed. The opener worked really well, reminded me of a piece by Peepers at RnR a long time ago, not sure if anyone will remember that, possibly @Certain? The repeatition of 'Back when' was a nice touch. The whole end segment where you tied in the two and it bringing you both together was the cherry on the top, ended almost on a Goosebumps book feel, but this is probably one of the best pieces I've read from you as far as feeling overall more 'complete'.

Keep that pen moving!

Exis · 02-04-2014, 07:42 AM

Slick shit...your endin' was nice with it, whole thing is tight but I thought the way you closed it out was really good...I often peep what you write and don't reply, that's my bad yet at the same time I don't see the need to comment always...make sense? Probably not lol...solid ass drop bro.

Stay upwards.

01-30-2014, 01:25 AM	#1
YDK ghost in the matrix Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: Covington, KY Posts: 4,564 Battle Record: 14-25 Champed - Art of Writing League (x2) - Lime Green Poetry Association Rep Power: 8181109	flashpoint Imagine snapping photographs, before the tears and after laughs, Subtract the smiles add the fear, and life is over in a flash. 61 years ago I took my brothers hand in my own, Back when you still needed a cord to use the telephone. Back when life was hard but people said it was simple, Back when only cops an robbers carried a pistol. I remember that day clearly despite the Alzheimers, He was holding a ball bound with the same material as recliners. After that picture he looked me in the eyes, as if to say, He knew our lives would fly by, if we let them slip away. We held tight to each other despite losing our mother, Tuberculosis claimed her the same way I claim my brother. Years after her passing we started to grow distant, Yet remembrance is key, when you feel locked in an instant. I took her death pretty hard as I resorted to whisky, My brother moved on and I just hoped that he missed me. I wish I could tell you where my father was at the time, But we never saw him a day after he quit working the mine. As you can tell I've been through hell since that picture was taken, My brother, Gary, got married and my life was left vacant. I was invited of course but my drinking habit implored, I stay an hour later at the pub, then I returned in remorse. I had overslept, hungover, I missed the wedding and all, Awoke distraught in my bedding; this time I dropped the ball. I shrugged it off and forgot about the years I had wasted, Knowing my brother was satisfied and I could never replace it. 23 years after my brother and I had last spoken He showed up at my door alone, crying, and broken. His wife had passed away, tuberculosis had claimed another, And that was the same night that I regained my brother. We reminisced and laughed; then mourned our family lost, Admitted my addiction and what my insanity cost. He helped me become sober, I helped him smile again, Slowly we both aged while revealing the child within. We both came to the conclusion we had each other for a reason, Born from the same instant, recreated, and learned perseverance. After the miseries suffered we discovered the truth, With age comes wisdom, and with wisdom comes proof. We captured one last photo to honor the past, And with the push of a button... it was gone in a flash. __________________

01-31-2014, 12:32 AM	#2
YDK ghost in the matrix Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: Covington, KY Posts: 4,564 Battle Record: 14-25 Champed - Art of Writing League (x2) - Lime Green Poetry Association Rep Power: 8181109	http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=48490 __________________

01-31-2014, 01:40 AM	#3
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853344	'And that was the night I reclaimed my brother' line hit me like a ton of bricks. I had a good gulp after the tuberculosis line. Decent writing; good story telling though, you relayed the story at an effective pace. I really liked the wording of the opening segement. Overall satisfied with what I read. The photograph was great. Not sure if you wrote it intentionally or added the picture later. Keep it real. Keep at it. Peace. __________________ *VETWORK*

01-31-2014, 01:42 AM	#4
YDK ghost in the matrix Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: Covington, KY Posts: 4,564 Battle Record: 14-25 Champed - Art of Writing League (x2) - Lime Green Poetry Association Rep Power: 8181109	Thanks man, I wrote it to the pic for a battle on another site __________________

02-01-2014, 04:47 AM	#5
YDK ghost in the matrix Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: Covington, KY Posts: 4,564 Battle Record: 14-25 Champed - Art of Writing League (x2) - Lime Green Poetry Association Rep Power: 8181109	Up? __________________

02-01-2014, 09:44 AM	#6
Smooth Member Join Date: Jan 2014 Posts: 32 Rep Power: 0	Wow bro, I cant even chose a favorite part.. this entire piece was extremely heavy. I loved this fam. Much respect. This piece is the water-works. excellent stuff. __________________

02-02-2014, 06:21 PM	#7
YDK ghost in the matrix Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: Covington, KY Posts: 4,564 Battle Record: 14-25 Champed - Art of Writing League (x2) - Lime Green Poetry Association Rep Power: 8181109	Lol excellent stuff is the only part I understood abut that post but thanks I think __________________

02-03-2014, 05:44 AM	#8
Verb Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2014 Posts: 8 Battle Record: 0-1 Rep Power: 0	WOW this totally sucks dirty whore balls...you're such a Kuhnt :P I'll leave YOU feed in the actual battle. I think from what I have read you'll be that chump in the no show shine. good attempt but you're going to need to go hard if you want to see me in the champ match Kuhnta Kintae. Love you bro lol

02-03-2014, 07:27 AM	#9
Lars PROVEN BITER Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Wolverhampton Posts: 1,588 Battle Record: 5-0 Champed - The Winter Topical Rep Power: 1809295	LOL I thought @Verb was being a dick as I started reading his post This was solid, def. read more focused than some of your other work, seemed streamlines and train of thought rather than scattered like your some of your idea scan seem to be in other pieces when you've wrote quick. this was developed. The opener worked really well, reminded me of a piece by Peepers at RnR a long time ago, not sure if anyone will remember that, possibly @Certain? The repeatition of 'Back when' was a nice touch. The whole end segment where you tied in the two and it bringing you both together was the cherry on the top, ended almost on a Goosebumps book feel, but this is probably one of the best pieces I've read from you as far as feeling overall more 'complete'. Keep that pen moving! __________________ PROVEN BITER

02-04-2014, 07:42 AM	#10
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,938 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Slick shit...your endin' was nice with it, whole thing is tight but I thought the way you closed it out was really good...I often peep what you write and don't reply, that's my bad yet at the same time I don't see the need to comment always...make sense? Probably not lol...solid ass drop bro. Stay upwards.