I called Veritas.

[veritas]

Originally Posted by Objective

Hahaha, love your questions man. Don't assume that everyone listening to hiphop and posting on these boards do drugs. Sorry to dissapoint you, but here we go:

1. Haha, nah man. I'm perfectly fine. No head injuries of any sort alltho' it may seem like it.

2. No real drug habits. Weed once in a blue moon, the only thing it does is making me sleep better (White Rhino ftw). The problem is that it's expensive as fuck around here. Never done any hard drugs. Just weed on rare occasions with friends. In seventh grade my godmothers ex died by OD'ing. Aint fucking with that shit.

3. I've been prescribed Circadin wich is a weak as fuck sleep medication (melatonin) and doesn't help me at all. Was given anti-depressive pills a few years ago, don't remember the brand but it scared me. When I was on it a good friend of mines mom offed herself and I couldn't care less. That made me more sad than anything else. The therapist quit working while I was on them. I decided to quit the meds without weekly consultations, wich is not only dangerous, but also illegal in Norway. When I was quitting them the moodswings was crazy, I could be suicidal as fuck for an hour and be in euphoria the next. 3 weeks of that and it was out of my system. You'd have to force me to try meds like that again.

What sucks is being awake at 02:58am (like now) without being tired enough to sleep, but tired enough to not do anything worthwhile. I consider myself a basement dweller because of this. I go out with friends 2-3 times a week at most, mostly to get drunk or skate with a bunch of people. The rest of the week I'm seriously too tired to do anything at all. I guess I'm lucky to have a huge group of friends I can chill with even with the issues I'm having. Without them I'm certain I'd feel lonely and worthless as well (I do feel that nothing really matters, but I look upon myself as equal among my peers, there's a difference).

@Split: Word @ regular excercise. I'd do that shit if I wasn't too tired to even go outside 80% of the time. I have tried to be active during daytime as it's supposed to make you tired at night, in my case it doesn't. I'm speculating that I might have a higher brain activity than most. At one point I woke up at 08:00 AM, went out to skate for 8 hours, got home, couldn't sleep, went out to skate for 5 hours the next day and couldn't sleep until 3AM. And at times I can be exhausted by just taking out the trash cuz I had a bad night of sleep after being awake for 48 hours prior to sleeping. My energy for each day depends solely on when I fall asleep and how I'm sleeping. Sometimes I have to cancel appointments because I'm too tired to do anything, often because I haven't slept the night before. Also one of the reasons to why I'm not going to a therapist atm. to sort things out with a professional. It's crazy to live like this.

Yes quitting anti depressants is very dangerous.

Now be completely honest: describe your average thought process as you lay in the bed awake while you know you should be sleeping

[Objective]

Originally Posted by c.d.m.

Now be completely honest: describe your average thought process as you lay in the bed awake while you know you should be sleeping

The thought process? Wow, it might start out as; ''Going to be chill af right now and not think about anything weird that starts my thought process''. Rivers, landscapes etc.. You get the deal. Then I might think about something intriguing with my friends or something morbid on the internet. Often start discussing social norms with myself, theories, physics and laws of the universe to the point where you'd think I was high if I told them to you. Sometimes things I've read in books. This might be about 3-5 minutes in trying to sleep. Cutting down and coming to terms with questions and ''philosophies'' was a thing I did with my prior therapist in order to stop the thought process and be able to sleep. I often kept asking questions; But what if, circling around the same topic until I found an answer and questioned that again etc. Trying to stop that shit now.
But when that happens I get extremely uneasy, I get the cravings to do something. I roll from one side to the other even tho' I should be tired enough to sleep. But it never happens and it ends up having the opposite effect. I get energetic. Sometimes reading a book does the same thing, so calm activities such as reading a book or doing the dishes or whatever makes me somewhat ''hyper active'' instead. As both of us know, laptops and TV's etc. got a certain light that triggers the brain to think it's daytime, but it is the only thing that keeps me active enough to keep me in a calm state. The best way for me to sleep is to put on Netflix; Spongebob or some TV drama I don't really care that much for or have already seen such as Californication. Ducktales is also an extremely nice way to go to sleep if I'm tired enough to not do anything. Basicly what I'm saying is; My body got to be 100% drained for energy before I can fall asleep and not get energetic again. Doing nothing makes it worse.

If it counts for anything I had some concentration issues in school unless the subject interested me. Far from ADD or anything like that, but still enough to label it as concentration issues. I was great in english history, history itself, society, philosophy, practical work, norwegian and spanish, but on the paper I was around B to C-. It furiated my english teacher because I couldn't concentrate on homework. I got a C in english and she said I was at an A if I had just done my shit.

Edit: @c.d.m.: I'm diagnosed with dysthymia.

Edit 2: @c.d.m.: I have considered the graveyard shift but I have NO sleeping pattern at all. Wich means that I have no idea when I'll get to sleep and when I'll wake up. Just a few days ago I had been awake for 30 hours and only got to sleep for 5. Last week I was awake for almost two days and slept for 18 hours. It's fucked up. I can fall asleep 3PM one day and 3AM the next.

[namix]

oooh damn @veritas' thought process before sleep and your response objective.

spiritual awakening yo.

i couldnt stop asking questions until i found that the answers don't come until you stop asking questions.

quiet your mind hommie. mortality, time, - many savvy human beings try to conceptualize infinity by counting toward it when it is more likely they'd get to infinity by counting backwards from it. accept the polarity of life - the infinity with the finite - and let yourself be free.

clearly feel free to ignore everything i just said if it doesnt resonate at all - but I had very similar symptoms during my initial clicks... everything from not sleeping, to lucid dreaming, etc. -- and if other therapists havent been able to help you, it probably means the solution is deeper too.

alas - i know i'm crazy, and that is the beacon i use to ensure I am on the right track as crazy is a relative term used to describe my deviation from the pack ;)

[namix]

Originally Posted by namix

oooh damn @veritas' thought process before sleep and your response objective.

spiritual awakening yo.

i couldnt stop asking questions until i found that the answers don't come until you stop asking questions.

quiet your mind hommie. mortality, time, - many savvy human beings try to conceptualize infinity by counting toward it when it is more likely they'd get to infinity by counting backwards from it. accept the polarity of life - the infinity with the finite - and let yourself be free.

clearly feel free to ignore everything i just said if it doesnt resonate at all - but I had very similar symptoms during my initial clicks... everything from not sleeping, to lucid dreaming, etc. -- and if other therapists havent been able to help you, it probably means the solution is deeper too.

alas - i know i'm crazy, and that is the beacon i use to ensure I am on the right track as crazy is a relative term used to describe my deviation from the pack ;)

^^ the acceptance of this polarity TRULY is one of the GREATEST assets in battling depression too.

what would a valley be without a mountain peak.

[veritas]

Originally Posted by Objective

The thought process? Wow, it might start out as; ''Going to be chill af right now and not think about anything weird that starts my thought process''. Rivers, landscapes etc.. You get the deal. Then I might think about something intriguing with my friends or something morbid on the internet. Often start discussing social norms with myself, theories, physics and laws of the universe to the point where you'd think I was high if I told them to you. Sometimes things I've read in books. This might be about 3-5 minutes in trying to sleep. Cutting down and coming to terms with questions and ''philosophies'' was a thing I did with my prior therapist in order to stop the thought process and be able to sleep. I often kept asking questions; But what if, circling around the same topic until I found an answer and questioned that again etc. Trying to stop that shit now.
But when that happens I get extremely uneasy, I get the cravings to do something. I roll from one side to the other even tho' I should be tired enough to sleep. But it never happens and it ends up having the opposite effect. I get energetic. Sometimes reading a book does the same thing, so calm activities such as reading a book or doing the dishes or whatever makes me somewhat ''hyper active'' instead. As both of us know, laptops and TV's etc. got a certain light that triggers the brain to think it's daytime, but it is the only thing that keeps me active enough to keep me in a calm state. The best way for me to sleep is to put on Netflix; Spongebob or some TV drama I don't really care that much for or have already seen such as Californication. Ducktales is also an extremely nice way to go to sleep if I'm tired enough to not do anything. Basicly what I'm saying is; My body got to be 100% drained for energy before I can fall asleep and not get energetic again. Doing nothing makes it worse.

If it counts for anything I had some concentration issues in school unless the subject interested me. Far from ADD or anything like that, but still enough to label it as concentration issues. I was great in english history, history itself, society, philosophy, practical work, norwegian and spanish, but on the paper I was around B to C-. It furiated my english teacher because I couldn't concentrate on homework. I got a C in english and she said I was at an A if I had just done my shit.

Edit: @c.d.m.: I'm diagnosed with dysthymia.

Edit 2: @c.d.m.: I have considered the graveyard shift but I have NO sleeping pattern at all. Wich means that I have no idea when I'll get to sleep and when I'll wake up. Just a few days ago I had been awake for 30 hours and only got to sleep for 5. Last week I was awake for almost two days and slept for 18 hours. It's fucked up. I can fall asleep 3PM one day and 3AM the next.

Imo you need to sleep and you should invest in taking the time to find an anti depressant and sleep aid that will help you. The good think about depression is that it responds very well to medication and therapy.

I do not like that you "get drunk" occasionally. You must eliminate alcohol or else your sleep and anti depressants will not work properly

Also try www.holosync.com
It will help your brain rest even if you cannot sleep.

For therapy I recxomend you try cbt for understanding triggers, patters, and problem solving skills

I do not feel you are being entirely honest with me about your thought process

You need to sleep.