AOWL Week 4: Aesthetic (0-1) VS. Split (2-1) [SPLIT WINS, 5-0.]

Mike Wrecka · 03-10-2013, 08:42 PM

ok cool battle

split - you wove together a nice tale. seemed like the story of atlantis, then went to someone discovering it years later. the way you describe things is pretty complex. its not totally accessible to the average reader tbh but that's prolly by design. I find myself having to really concentrate to decipher whats going on, but ya that's a good thing sometimes, and here is one of those times. good job. flow wise, it wasn't great. and you still are lacking multis and inner rhymes. I know you can do it. ive seen you do it very well you just choose not to sometimes.

aesthetic- ill be honest it seemed way to basic and simplistic for my taste. you rhymed too many TION words which is easy and never ends well. I steer clear of tion rhymes these days. if I have to ill use a tion word as the first part of a multi but ya never as an end rhyme. but I think you know that all already. seemed semi keyed up and ive seen better from you. topic wise I couldn't find one. but that's not your fault a random beat as a topic is lame tbh. don't take it the wrong way I dont mean to be overly harsh on the criticism I just didn't like that verse and I know you can do better.

vote- split

03-10-2013, 08:42 PM	#1
Mike Wrecka WOW Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,591 Battle Record: 29-25 Champed - Writing Challenge League I Rep Power: 82779338	ok cool battle split - you wove together a nice tale. seemed like the story of atlantis, then went to someone discovering it years later. the way you describe things is pretty complex. its not totally accessible to the average reader tbh but that's prolly by design. I find myself having to really concentrate to decipher whats going on, but ya that's a good thing sometimes, and here is one of those times. good job. flow wise, it wasn't great. and you still are lacking multis and inner rhymes. I know you can do it. ive seen you do it very well you just choose not to sometimes. aesthetic- ill be honest it seemed way to basic and simplistic for my taste. you rhymed too many TION words which is easy and never ends well. I steer clear of tion rhymes these days. if I have to ill use a tion word as the first part of a multi but ya never as an end rhyme. but I think you know that all already. seemed semi keyed up and ive seen better from you. topic wise I couldn't find one. but that's not your fault a random beat as a topic is lame tbh. don't take it the wrong way I dont mean to be overly harsh on the criticism I just didn't like that verse and I know you can do better. vote- split