ROUND TWO: (7)Lars vs. (10)Certain - (LARS WINS 7-1)

Pent uP · 01-27-2014, 11:53 PM

lars - The wording was crisp and spot on. Short, effective lines that propel this verse the distance. The shortening of "beta" to become "bet" annoyed me because it felt forced. The duality of the tool/voice was the strongest subtext of the verse and carried it far, but I felt the verse took to long to get to the end also - very drawn out and redundant through the body. The ending was also a corny pun on the whole message of the verse. Strong mechanics but the story had its stifles.

Certain - I had problems with the diction. Most likely because of the repetition of "master." The story itself was alright but it didn't draw me in really. I essentially just witnessed the madness and demise of some crazy chemist/demon/slave owner type that I never felt connected with...and I'm a crazy chemist/demon/slave owner type too (ok maybe not). The writing was rewarding from a technical standpoint but for me, not everything came together.

Overall - Certain had a verse I couldn't get into, which doesnt take away from how well written it is. Lars had a solid piece of writing that had some aspects I nitpicked.

vote - lars

01-27-2014, 11:53 PM	#9
Pent uP Robin Williams of Fallen Victims Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 1,499 Battle Record: 25-11 Accomplishments - NC Hall of Fame Champed - Netcees Writers League (2x) - NWL Season 1 - Write Night I - Art of Writing League (2x) - Write Week IV Rep Power: 6862275	lars - The wording was crisp and spot on. Short, effective lines that propel this verse the distance. The shortening of "beta" to become "bet" annoyed me because it felt forced. The duality of the tool/voice was the strongest subtext of the verse and carried it far, but I felt the verse took to long to get to the end also - very drawn out and redundant through the body. The ending was also a corny pun on the whole message of the verse. Strong mechanics but the story had its stifles. Certain - I had problems with the diction. Most likely because of the repetition of "master." The story itself was alright but it didn't draw me in really. I essentially just witnessed the madness and demise of some crazy chemist/demon/slave owner type that I never felt connected with...and I'm a crazy chemist/demon/slave owner type too (ok maybe not). The writing was rewarding from a technical standpoint but for me, not everything came together. Overall - Certain had a verse I couldn't get into, which doesnt take away from how well written it is. Lars had a solid piece of writing that had some aspects I nitpicked. vote - lars Last edited by Pent uP; 01-28-2014 at 12:06 AM.