ROUND TWO: (5)NYCSPITZ vs. (21)oXus - (OXUS WINS 7-1)

Pent uP · 01-27-2014, 11:20 PM

Oxus -- I loved the diction to this piece - it moved at an alarming pace and let no word go to waste. The rhyming was intricately woven and you didn't let it go stale. The concept flip, as i understood it, was interesting: You didnt grow up with anyone (really) except the pen and pad and that's what you love. A weird flip into a flex topic almost. which, while I'm here, seems like what most you write comes off as flex on the surface but has a deeper, resounding, meaning. I think the emotion encapsulated in this verse and the lyricism carried you well. good stuff.

NYC --I really dig the message at the end here - that our entire outlook on life is built on a neurosis stemming from a culmination of our past interactions....thats really dope and i want to steal it lmfao. I think you spent too much time setting up the initial scene and leading the reader astray, OR - i missed the connection between the beginning and end (in which case im sorry). I felt like the story with the girl was more important and more cohesive without the introductory portion. It would have been easier (IMO) to set up the image of a soldier taking leave to go visit a mirage or something of the sort and drive your point across more effectively/giving you time to characterize/set up more emotional basis'.

Overall -- I feel that there was something amazing within NYC's verse but he didn't do enough to expose it on the proper platform. I felt Oxus had a solid piece of writing and was entertained by it all the way through

vote - Ox

01-27-2014, 11:20 PM	#1
Pent uP Robin Williams of Fallen Victims Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 1,499 Battle Record: 25-11 Accomplishments - NC Hall of Fame Champed - Netcees Writers League (2x) - NWL Season 1 - Write Night I - Art of Writing League (2x) - Write Week IV Rep Power: 6862275	Oxus -- I loved the diction to this piece - it moved at an alarming pace and let no word go to waste. The rhyming was intricately woven and you didn't let it go stale. The concept flip, as i understood it, was interesting: You didnt grow up with anyone (really) except the pen and pad and that's what you love. A weird flip into a flex topic almost. which, while I'm here, seems like what most you write comes off as flex on the surface but has a deeper, resounding, meaning. I think the emotion encapsulated in this verse and the lyricism carried you well. good stuff. NYC --I really dig the message at the end here - that our entire outlook on life is built on a neurosis stemming from a culmination of our past interactions....thats really dope and i want to steal it lmfao. I think you spent too much time setting up the initial scene and leading the reader astray, OR - i missed the connection between the beginning and end (in which case im sorry). I felt like the story with the girl was more important and more cohesive without the introductory portion. It would have been easier (IMO) to set up the image of a soldier taking leave to go visit a mirage or something of the sort and drive your point across more effectively/giving you time to characterize/set up more emotional basis'. Overall -- I feel that there was something amazing within NYC's verse but he didn't do enough to expose it on the proper platform. I felt Oxus had a solid piece of writing and was entertained by it all the way through vote - Ox Last edited by Pent uP; 01-27-2014 at 11:29 PM.