ROUND TWO: (5)NYCSPITZ vs. (21)oXus - (OXUS WINS 7-1)

[Lars]

English had a lot to like here, real good wording throughout, even those small additions such as "From prodigious to prodigal," resonated with me personally, it shows a keen eye to detail in his writers voice and he doesn't let a single word go to waste in his writing. He seemed determined here, really focused on what he put to pad, with good direction. This had stronger application than his piece last round, it was more cohesive as a whole and felt more complete.

Met the brother once -- third time I’d broken my septum.
Misplaced gestated seeds merely invoke a rejection.
Unsure where to sit, nearly tripped, at each end of an emotional spectrum:
I feared love, and loved to fear the very throes of acceptance,
Under a similar guise I strummed melodic strokes with a plectrum,
In hopes it’d affect them hoe’s defects and I could grope in a bed but
it was so disrespectful, a soul’s proto-projection.
Never been shy, but with a lens? every photo’s an emblem.
Every fold on the camera roll’s an anecdotal lesson.

This section was my personal favourite, really reminiscent of... me, I guess? Maybe a hint of Pent uP about that writing. The carrying of the multi string while still maintaining perfect diction and driving the piece forward was brilliance. Great showing.

Totoro: I loved that you started with an alliteration, sometimes they come without intending them to, but you definately did that intentionally. I'm a fan! I didn't think 'melting abode' worked how you intended here, seemed to suggest the whole place melted rather than just the snow around it. It was good to see you also carrying the same multi string over several lines, the one thing with doing that which is more prevalent in yours than in English's (in my opinion) is that at times it can feel convoluted and unnatural, which is what it is essentially I guess, it's just when done well it's less noticeable but there it is. The other thing I find while reading this is the flow in certain places is hard for me to follow, mainly because of lines like this that just have wayyyy too many syllables to them for me to flow out loud when reading. English's was crisper, smoother, due to the shorter line lengths his piece had. There were a few of these throughout your piece,

I was reborn a few months ago in Central Park. Wise in mind but knotted in heart

a salute. "My interests lie to the South today, I can't support your bawling and bustle."

"Surrealist prose: creating art as a will against mechanical posturing in an era of wavering will"

You see what I mean? There is just too much happening in each of those, keeping them shorter and maybe expounding on them over a few couplets would have served you better in my opinion. Your ending almost brought it all full circle to the topic though, which was a great tie-in to the rest of the piece and made for a great closer. All in all a solid enough showing, I just feel like English had enough gloss and polish to his verse to put him over you this round for me. Vote - Oxus