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#8 |
Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
Battle Record: 40-25
Accomplishments - OM HOF
Champed - Fight Night LIV
- Gimmick Battle League (2x)
- Write Week II
- Art of Writing League
- Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament
- STI
- Haiku Writer Challenge
- GWL Picture Challenge(2x)
Rep Power: 49604320 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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Lars - Fresh, clean approach to a prehistoric Cain and Abel revamp. The writing was really good. It's very like you to word almost every line to intended perfection.
"These basic, but central, components combining at each stage is essential for homogenizing." ^Killed it here. An ill bar. Also, were you an anthropology major? Seemed like you had a solid rundown of the scientific side of language. Well done. Certain - I wasn't feeling this completely. That ending was weaksauce, tbh. The story itself was cool, it had a kung fu movie approach at first with the loud shrills of repeated "master" exclamations. Writing wise it was tightly executed, but I wasn't affected nor stirred by the final product. I've seen much better closure from you. I liked that "devil" was incorporated into the reverse incantation. I don't know if I was convinced it was legit since that's a far out way to exorcise a demon. My vote goes to Lars. |
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