AOWL Week 4: c.d.m. (0-3) VS. Mac (1-0) [C.D.M. WINS, 5-0.]

Zen · 03-08-2013, 04:29 PM

c.d.m.: Another dope verse again this week. I love the way you word your shit man. Kind of like a constant alliteration throughout the piece. Dope rhyme scheme as well throughout. Favorite part would have to be the third part of the verse with the hordes of drones segment. All in all a well constructed piece.
Mac: First off let me say it's a good piece. You showed the bitter sweet thing that is love quite well. But what I can say is that your rhyme scheme imo was a little bland and some of the lines were long and fucked up the flow to me. I'd suggest spicing up the rhyme scheme and adopting a short bar style and I think you'd flourish, but that's just my opinion lol.

All in all I'd have to say c.d.m.'s piece was much more entertaining to me so he gets my vote. Props to both of yall

03-08-2013, 04:29 PM	#1
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	c.d.m.: Another dope verse again this week. I love the way you word your shit man. Kind of like a constant alliteration throughout the piece. Dope rhyme scheme as well throughout. Favorite part would have to be the third part of the verse with the hordes of drones segment. All in all a well constructed piece. Mac: First off let me say it's a good piece. You showed the bitter sweet thing that is love quite well. But what I can say is that your rhyme scheme imo was a little bland and some of the lines were long and fucked up the flow to me. I'd suggest spicing up the rhyme scheme and adopting a short bar style and I think you'd flourish, but that's just my opinion lol. All in all I'd have to say c.d.m.'s piece was much more entertaining to me so he gets my vote. Props to both of yall