ROUND ONE: (R)oats vs. (22)Just Write - (OATS WINS 8-1)

Vulgar · 01-19-2014, 02:57 PM

JW - This was a cool take on the topic but one thing it lacked was true emotional depth. The exchanges between mother and son were very mechanical, bordering on generic. I didn't expect the turnout, so props for tying it into the picture like that. The content in the verse was okay. I can't say I was on the edge of my seat, but it was a respectable showing.

oats - Champion level verse. The ending was an interesting turn of events. I figured the picture required you to improvise and have the bomber escape somehow. Very tight execution for this one. The way you worded lines and told the story was a pleasure to read. The references were in place where they needed to be. This was like a Tom Clancy story, highly "American" in tone if I may say so myself...but you got the job done.

Vote - oats

01-19-2014, 02:57 PM	#12
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	JW - This was a cool take on the topic but one thing it lacked was true emotional depth. The exchanges between mother and son were very mechanical, bordering on generic. I didn't expect the turnout, so props for tying it into the picture like that. The content in the verse was okay. I can't say I was on the edge of my seat, but it was a respectable showing. oats - Champion level verse. The ending was an interesting turn of events. I figured the picture required you to improvise and have the bomber escape somehow. Very tight execution for this one. The way you worded lines and told the story was a pleasure to read. The references were in place where they needed to be. This was like a Tom Clancy story, highly "American" in tone if I may say so myself...but you got the job done. Vote - oats