ROUND ONE: (16)Mr. J vs. (17)Witty - (WITTY WINS 6-2)

e11even · 01-19-2014, 02:54 PM

mr.j- there were two distinctly different tones here. Reading this felt like a football team playing smooth all game, then throwing the playbook out the window at the 2 minute warning. It wasn't quite that bad, but it was that obvious. I loved how the start-to-middle was written. This is more of an epic you, where you explore feelings and happenings in a smooth, well paced manner. the ending was rushed an tyook on a different personality, as it seemed you didn't have the patience to maintain the personality you started with. Maybe it was intentional for the mood? I'm not sure, but it didn't sit well with me. Overall though, this is a very nice piece from you. keep it up J. No homosapien.

witty- holy shit. holy shit. great piece. I'm not too fond of over-rhyming, but the device fits your format of writing and and didn't annoy me, though it was very noticeable. As your rhyming was ample, it was fluent as well, with most words in the right place. I loved it.

I don't quote ppl much but this:
Your version of life is my version of death
And the person who's right is the person who's left
So we curse and we fight, we surge and we fret
Get hurt and regret, apologize, reverse and reset
Rain is pouring, it's dark....they say that war is an art
The body a canvas, the bullet a heavy brush stroke that tore it apart

left an impression on me. Great wording and use of what you were given. I think this is my fave verse of the round. Good Job Witty.

In closing, this was a solid battle. I don't belive Mr.J gae the entire verse the same treatment to have it come through the way I think he intended, but he did solid work and I was mainly impressed. Witty was crazy cosistent and showed a veteran's presistence in story and rhyming. MVGT Witty

01-19-2014, 02:54 PM	#11
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	mr.j- there were two distinctly different tones here. Reading this felt like a football team playing smooth all game, then throwing the playbook out the window at the 2 minute warning. It wasn't quite that bad, but it was that obvious. I loved how the start-to-middle was written. This is more of an epic you, where you explore feelings and happenings in a smooth, well paced manner. the ending was rushed an tyook on a different personality, as it seemed you didn't have the patience to maintain the personality you started with. Maybe it was intentional for the mood? I'm not sure, but it didn't sit well with me. Overall though, this is a very nice piece from you. keep it up J. No homosapien. witty- holy shit. holy shit. great piece. I'm not too fond of over-rhyming, but the device fits your format of writing and and didn't annoy me, though it was very noticeable. As your rhyming was ample, it was fluent as well, with most words in the right place. I loved it. I don't quote ppl much but this: Your version of life is my version of death And the person who's right is the person who's left So we curse and we fight, we surge and we fret Get hurt and regret, apologize, reverse and reset Rain is pouring, it's dark....they say that war is an art The body a canvas, the bullet a heavy brush stroke that tore it apart left an impression on me. Great wording and use of what you were given. I think this is my fave verse of the round. Good Job Witty. In closing, this was a solid battle. I don't belive Mr.J gae the entire verse the same treatment to have it come through the way I think he intended, but he did solid work and I was mainly impressed. Witty was crazy cosistent and showed a veteran's presistence in story and rhyming. MVGT Witty __________________ Ahem.