ROUND ONE: (13)trap vs. (20)CopyPat - (TRAP WINS 5-4)

Certain · 01-18-2014, 02:05 AM

This was the battle I was most looking forward to this round.

trap: You've always had the easiest-going style of writing around. This was a really good example of your style, emotional but tempered, solid in its mechanics but completely without flash. The content wasn't anything new, and it drifted toward being a bit too abstract at times. It's a tricky call with exposition, though, because if you had made this more openly about the birth and death of some demon baby or some crap like that, you really run the chance of the entire thing being corny. And if you make it more transparent without the evil side being as important, then you run the risk of the verse being boring. This style made it much more relatable and human, which is your strength. I wish you had done a little more imagery based on the picture, but the metaphors tying in up and down and water and all that connected well enough that it felt like it was written for the picture. And the picture wasn't exactly inspiring, so I understand the metaphorical approach.

CopyPat: After reading trap's verse, I knew you'd make this a brutal vote to cast because, even without reading a verse, I knew you'd have a completely different tone and approach. This verse is exactly what I expected from you: ridiculous flow and schemes and straightforward content. I did love the concept of interpreting that picture as the Earth's middle finger, and I think if you had developed that a little more you could have had a great verse. But the problem here was that you got a bit too generic with the pollution pleas. This was a very capable topical verse, but it didn't have the depth of trap's.

Vote: trap

01-18-2014, 02:05 AM	#7
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	This was the battle I was most looking forward to this round. trap: You've always had the easiest-going style of writing around. This was a really good example of your style, emotional but tempered, solid in its mechanics but completely without flash. The content wasn't anything new, and it drifted toward being a bit too abstract at times. It's a tricky call with exposition, though, because if you had made this more openly about the birth and death of some demon baby or some crap like that, you really run the chance of the entire thing being corny. And if you make it more transparent without the evil side being as important, then you run the risk of the verse being boring. This style made it much more relatable and human, which is your strength. I wish you had done a little more imagery based on the picture, but the metaphors tying in up and down and water and all that connected well enough that it felt like it was written for the picture. And the picture wasn't exactly inspiring, so I understand the metaphorical approach. CopyPat: After reading trap's verse, I knew you'd make this a brutal vote to cast because, even without reading a verse, I knew you'd have a completely different tone and approach. This verse is exactly what I expected from you: ridiculous flow and schemes and straightforward content. I did love the concept of interpreting that picture as the Earth's middle finger, and I think if you had developed that a little more you could have had a great verse. But the problem here was that you got a bit too generic with the pollution pleas. This was a very capable topical verse, but it didn't have the depth of trap's. Vote: trap __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.