ROUND ONE: (1)dead man vs. (32)breathless - (DEAD MAN WINS 5-0)

PancakeBrah · 01-17-2014, 08:10 PM

breathless-

The best verse I've read from you. Your overarching approach to the topic was metaphorical (captured most pointedly with the "It ain't worth it, I'm the same person, just with less youthful rivals." line) with a few dashes of more concrete references to the topic ("How, everything became red, and then, it all turned grey." for example). This was a very existential and contemplative piece, tackling a lot of ideas and questions. I don't think you wrote anything incisively perceptive or unique but you were able to write towards the essence of being, and all of the trials and tribulations that go with that, without losing my interest which is a strong feat in and of itself. Your wording has really tightened up since I last read one of your verse; there were a handful of lines that were good simply by how you worded them. Also, you were more coherent and focused than from what I remember. A lot of people throw the term 'elevating' around loosely but I think you truly are, as evidenced by this piece. I know you have a history of writing, so I say elevating in relation to the netcees brand of writing and zeitgeist. Well done.

dead man-

Very good, as always. I think if you were strip down your story to a point by point outline, I would be left wanting. It's a bit run of the mill, the whole brother/familial story of murder and vengeance. Then the writing comes in and everything clicks, and a dope verse is presented. Everything was in the details of wording and pure technical prowess. You created a lush and interesting piece, one most people would be envious of, out of a weak backbone. That's a compliment. I often find story pieces hard to write; it's hard not to be cliched, and every twist has been twisted and unwound for examination already. So it's hard to fault a writer for writing this type of story, the key is execution. And you out wrote your opponent. Everything was dialed in.

I think breathless wrote an impressive verse, definitely the best I've seen from him on the site. Like big baby said, as bare bone ideas he probably had the upper hand on black here. But the difference in ability and experience was just too much. There's no shame in this battle for breathless, he made it much closer than I expected. Well done by both.

v/dead man

01-17-2014, 08:10 PM	#7
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	breathless- The best verse I've read from you. Your overarching approach to the topic was metaphorical (captured most pointedly with the "It ain't worth it, I'm the same person, just with less youthful rivals." line) with a few dashes of more concrete references to the topic ("How, everything became red, and then, it all turned grey." for example). This was a very existential and contemplative piece, tackling a lot of ideas and questions. I don't think you wrote anything incisively perceptive or unique but you were able to write towards the essence of being, and all of the trials and tribulations that go with that, without losing my interest which is a strong feat in and of itself. Your wording has really tightened up since I last read one of your verse; there were a handful of lines that were good simply by how you worded them. Also, you were more coherent and focused than from what I remember. A lot of people throw the term 'elevating' around loosely but I think you truly are, as evidenced by this piece. I know you have a history of writing, so I say elevating in relation to the netcees brand of writing and zeitgeist. Well done. dead man- Very good, as always. I think if you were strip down your story to a point by point outline, I would be left wanting. It's a bit run of the mill, the whole brother/familial story of murder and vengeance. Then the writing comes in and everything clicks, and a dope verse is presented. Everything was in the details of wording and pure technical prowess. You created a lush and interesting piece, one most people would be envious of, out of a weak backbone. That's a compliment. I often find story pieces hard to write; it's hard not to be cliched, and every twist has been twisted and unwound for examination already. So it's hard to fault a writer for writing this type of story, the key is execution. And you out wrote your opponent. Everything was dialed in. I think breathless wrote an impressive verse, definitely the best I've seen from him on the site. Like big baby said, as bare bone ideas he probably had the upper hand on black here. But the difference in ability and experience was just too much. There's no shame in this battle for breathless, he made it much closer than I expected. Well done by both. v/dead man __________________ Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder