ROUND ONE: (5)NYCSPITZ vs. (28)YDK - (NYCSPITZ WINS 7-2)

[oats]

Mei-Ling:

The first half of this verse is beautiful. The characterization is unique and resonant all at once - the archetypical begrudging prodigy who pursues his genius under the fist of his tiger mom. But he has an escape through nature/rock climbing. The initial descriptions were provocative and compelling.

I think it started to spiral uncomfortably for me at "25 minutes before." I liked the buildup, but I can't help but feel that it would have crescendo'd better had you followed a more natural countdown - start with years and as the verse starts to wind down, THEN get closer to the final act of his suicide. I think the attempt at reversing that was novel, but I don't know if it was successful. In my estimation, you approached it like that to try and veil the final act a bit, understandably so, but again, not sure if it worked as well as it could have if done the opposite direction.

Also: "It was the only way he knew to quell the monster within." added an extra layer of intrigue, but I'm not sure if this character trait was supported enough. What was the monster within? I guess it was his conflicted relationship with his immense talent, as well as something to do with his strained family relationship, but again I didn't get enough info to fully grasp what could have been a great addition to his character. Same goes for whatever it was that happened to his father - I don't need to know why/how he died, but I do need to know why/how it affected him. I didn't quite get that.

Overall, this struck me as a skeleton of a great verse - I think you could have done much more with it. As is, it works, and it's good, but I'm frustrated because I think it could have been a true heavyweight verse.


YDK:

In many ways, this was one of the better verses I've seen from you. I think you had a number of standout lines, and you really captured the struggle of the working man treading water in life, too overworked to pursue any real sense of happiness or fulfillment. It was honest and disheartening in a genuine way.

Here's my beef though: it seems very generic. The narrator borders on stereotype, and I don't have any compelling insight into his idiosyncrasies or anything. In other words, the emotional sentiments were not unique. His dreams of chilling and partying, his struggles of working too much and being in a shitty relationship, those aren't enough to get me invested in his story. Either a) change those elements completely to something that fits his character more precisely, or b) give us some background info that makes those conclusions more interesting and understandable.


Vote: This is close. Both concluded with suicide as the result of sorrowful lives, so to me it comes down to which story was more interesting. The writing was strong on both ends, but I think I was engrossed in Totoro's narrative more, so I'm going to vote for him. Strong showing from both, wouldn't be surprised to see it go either way.