ROUND ONE: (5)NYCSPITZ vs. (28)YDK - (NYCSPITZ WINS 7-2)

zygote · 01-16-2014, 09:41 AM

Totoro, very slick comparing the writing stimulus to a passion for music. There is something very accurate in comparing the epic background of the huge landscape to those individuals who give their whole being to the pursuit of music. All the endless permutations of music and various notes, comparing it to the vast image of nature with the single individual in the center was great. Kind of like the individual mind faced against all the endless possibilities of musical composition. One criticism, I thought the light hearted language (e.g., "sick with the keys" + "playin") did not fit with the classical music approach, it didn't mesh, but then again perhaps it mixes well with the young character. Didn't enjoy 'the rainclouds beckons' part, thought it gave too much context/storyline to something that was perhaps better left just as an abstract comparison.

YDK, enjoyed the internal dialogue style capturing the essence of a mind 'on the edge.' Although, your description is more chaotic that the image, the picture seems quite tranquil and safe (the character has no gear, just sitting out, relaxing really) you are still capturing the feeling of living on the precipice there. While the picture has an actual fall, the fall you describe is one of expectancy, responsibility to family, work, taxes/bills etc. The are some really humorous lines in a blunt kind of way (not to make light of your situation if it is autobiographical) like the "But the truth is I'm exhuasted" line. Also really enjoyed the ending, but thought the first two lines could have been deleted, those were the only parts that didn't feel cohesive, it was a bit too self-referential. Voting for YDK.

01-16-2014, 09:41 AM	#4
zygote Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 501 Battle Record: 33-12 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Art of Writing League (3x) Rep Power: 737828	Totoro, very slick comparing the writing stimulus to a passion for music. There is something very accurate in comparing the epic background of the huge landscape to those individuals who give their whole being to the pursuit of music. All the endless permutations of music and various notes, comparing it to the vast image of nature with the single individual in the center was great. Kind of like the individual mind faced against all the endless possibilities of musical composition. One criticism, I thought the light hearted language (e.g., "sick with the keys" + "playin") did not fit with the classical music approach, it didn't mesh, but then again perhaps it mixes well with the young character. Didn't enjoy 'the rainclouds beckons' part, thought it gave too much context/storyline to something that was perhaps better left just as an abstract comparison. YDK, enjoyed the internal dialogue style capturing the essence of a mind 'on the edge.' Although, your description is more chaotic that the image, the picture seems quite tranquil and safe (the character has no gear, just sitting out, relaxing really) you are still capturing the feeling of living on the precipice there. While the picture has an actual fall, the fall you describe is one of expectancy, responsibility to family, work, taxes/bills etc. The are some really humorous lines in a blunt kind of way (not to make light of your situation if it is autobiographical) like the "But the truth is I'm exhuasted" line. Also really enjoyed the ending, but thought the first two lines could have been deleted, those were the only parts that didn't feel cohesive, it was a bit too self-referential. Voting for YDK.