UnBeautiful Life: VERSES 1 & 2. ..that much closer!

[Natural]

Originally Posted by Genocide

Eyo, real life shit..

Would sell his soul if he could change the past
And a few of these mistakes made over a taste of ass
↑I dig the real life ish, but I feel the words "taste of ass" cheapen
the impact of the lines. I does its job but I feel you could
have reworded it...at least that line. The first line is good.

Face the facts, its one of those funnier days he's had
Raised his glass, drank until the pain was trashed
↑Dope

A brainiac, who stays stuck in his head for days
His time bombs tickin over these beds he's made
I like this..but I feel "over the bed he's made" would
have been better wording.


A bitchs feminine ways creates his fetish for hate
If he'd of let'er be he'd be a lot better today
Word. Relatable to many.


brought a baby in the world and ain't know for a year
The paternity test results what he totally fears
Choked on his tears, mixed in with so many beers
Over a daughter in his life he ain't know would appear
Tough situation. I feel it was described well.

Coke on the mirror, tryina make his thoughts escape
Talks insane, afraid his fucking life's been tossed away
Another baby gil's on his plate, what she cost to raise
↑Impactful lines


But the kid ain't mean to ruin his night
All she came here to do is live her own beautiful life
She grew up despite the hate and despair
And laughs when people say her life isn't as crazy as thiers
At a young age wanted to run from the storm
And away from her parents who fought just because she was born
Looked at the pouring rain, afraid, tired of being a burden
Feeling the pain, how much could fucking be in one person!?
↑Dope. Good writing here. It feels like you just let it rip from here down.

Her demons were perfect, the curses, and the blood in her veins
Her fathers addictions, and mothers would uncover her fate
The steps she would take to avoid the feelings she fought
The feelings of fault, that caused her world to really dissolve
building a vault, concealiing the thoughts she wouldn't share
Cause it was easier to hide, then to find people who cared
Scared, seemed like people were scarce, and nature would hit
Like a brick, she gets high, calls it the only way to exist
↑Overall more dope than flaws. I do feel the closer could be better but its not bad.
I could see this being recorded with some tweaks. This to me still seems like a different style for you....unno. I say keep it up.