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Old 03-05-2013, 01:13 AM   #19
Ink
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dead man:
This verse read smooothh.. every line fed into the next seamlessly (the wine and biscuit line was bleh though). That flesh and spirit line, and this stuck out in particular
Quote:
we've played telephone with knowledge. only whispers and time
will determine how much Truth inside that message survives
i usually try to nitpick just cause i generally think people are too nice when voting, but i couldn't find much i didn't like here..

pohfig: the way you started this verse was dope. Instantly brought up images I've seen of people walking down the red carpet in slow-mo while cameras went off.. The middle of the second verse where she runs over a guy and the few following lines after felt like a half step down in quality from the rest of the verse. though the whole verse was very solid and every line worked well together to create the overall story.
Quote:
She hectically screams wishing all of this was just in her dreams
"She hectically screams"... just sounds off to me..

On first skim, I thought I would give it to Pohfig, cause I'm more of a story kinda guy.. but after my closer read, I'm gonna go with dead man. Both were very solid, but dead mans verse just made a greater impression. Both were very polished as far as delivering their ideas, but dead man's rhymes felt more effortless and his take on the topic was more intriguing.

vote: dead man
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