Playoffs Round 2: No. 1 Vulgar vs. No. 9 Diode - Diode WINS 4-3

patrown · 12-21-2013, 03:00 AM

/v Vulgar - you captured the essence of some underlying emotional connection i have with the world we live in, with this piece. that's how i felt about this verse. not that you completely made sense or i grasped it. just the deepest notions of nature embodied in modern man. amazing stuff. animal instinct level connection. deep writing. .. tbh you could have started here and won.
Crimeland Springs - rivers of gin, injected guilt - ecosystem syringe
enjoyed it all but "" scenery was amber could have been reworked. the lines that followed really needed to tie in with some rhyme. it would've helped the read immensely. your last twelve lines dwarve a lot of my favorite work from this season.

tbh these two kind of made my decision.......
Servitude indentured, to serpentine moons immersed in earthen creeks
phosphorescent God-projectors lurk in the murky deep; "I yearn for peace

Diode - your story read well. i feel like the third stanza was your weakest point. you've thoroughly grasped ahold of storytelling. sounded kind of gay.... when your main character david should have done something extravagent you went into this king james stuff... and it was like the dude swooped on that bitch. david got played. james got game. they formed a great serial-killer-esque team but you did not develop your twist enough my well spoken friend. ........

12-21-2013, 03:00 AM	#9
patrown ‹^›ô¿ô‹^› Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 596 Battle Record: 13-19 Rep Power: 0	/v Vulgar - you captured the essence of some underlying emotional connection i have with the world we live in, with this piece. that's how i felt about this verse. not that you completely made sense or i grasped it. just the deepest notions of nature embodied in modern man. amazing stuff. animal instinct level connection. deep writing. .. tbh you could have started here and won. Crimeland Springs - rivers of gin, injected guilt - ecosystem syringe enjoyed it all but "" scenery was amber could have been reworked. the lines that followed really needed to tie in with some rhyme. it would've helped the read immensely. your last twelve lines dwarve a lot of my favorite work from this season. tbh these two kind of made my decision....... Servitude indentured, to serpentine moons immersed in earthen creeks phosphorescent God-projectors lurk in the murky deep; "I yearn for peace Diode - your story read well. i feel like the third stanza was your weakest point. you've thoroughly grasped ahold of storytelling. sounded kind of gay.... when your main character david should have done something extravagent you went into this king james stuff... and it was like the dude swooped on that bitch. david got played. james got game. they formed a great serial-killer-esque team but you did not develop your twist enough my well spoken friend. ........ Last edited by patrown; 12-21-2013 at 03:37 AM.