AOWL WK 3: dead man (2-0) VS. pohfig (2-0) [POHFIG WINS, 5-4.]

zygote · 03-02-2013, 04:36 AM

Deadman - The "another day, another epoche" was a good wordplay. Kept the bio-psychologist vocabulary in full effect here. Seemed to be the message that sensory functions are the illusion, and the truth is it's just all in the brain.

Pohfig - First time reading your writing it was very entertaining. Enjoyed how you spent the time (first paragraph) to give some plot development made the second paragraph stronger because of it. Character was well developed, especially enjoyed the "privileged and rich" line, you gave the character some different aspects. It was a nice touch to write about the "clinching to cover" line like that.

Can not really find any critiques for either writer. Perhaps deadman could have worked the "epoche" line into a rhyme instead of putting it at the end like that, and pohfig could have found a stronger plot device to cause the car accident.

Individuals are probably not voting on this one so far because it is hard to decide. Overall, voted for deadman.

03-02-2013, 04:36 AM	#1
zygote Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 501 Battle Record: 33-12 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Art of Writing League (3x) Rep Power: 737828	Deadman - The "another day, another epoche" was a good wordplay. Kept the bio-psychologist vocabulary in full effect here. Seemed to be the message that sensory functions are the illusion, and the truth is it's just all in the brain. Pohfig - First time reading your writing it was very entertaining. Enjoyed how you spent the time (first paragraph) to give some plot development made the second paragraph stronger because of it. Character was well developed, especially enjoyed the "privileged and rich" line, you gave the character some different aspects. It was a nice touch to write about the "clinching to cover" line like that. Can not really find any critiques for either writer. Perhaps deadman could have worked the "epoche" line into a rhyme instead of putting it at the end like that, and pohfig could have found a stronger plot device to cause the car accident. Individuals are probably not voting on this one so far because it is hard to decide. Overall, voted for deadman.