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#4 |
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,868
Battle Record: 17-32
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Nice opener, had to google what you were talking about but I didn't regret that I did. It will definitely be enjoyed by those that gets it without googling as well. However, when you're using the vocabulary that you do I'd appreciate it more if you proof-read it a bit more. '' sigapore'' being one of the offenders here. It kinda makes me stop and re-read the sentence which I shouldn't have to do as it disrupts the flow.
The mechanics of the verse was decent with lots of metaphores & wordplay (the sharks and the shark-god-opener for example), along with a rich language that makes the piece itself unique in its own sense. The title and how you carried on with the bilge as a concept was dope af. Pieces like this would definitely stand strong in a AOWL-match. Looking forward to read more from you.
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I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o |
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