Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Forum > Open Mic Section
Register FAQ Community Calendar Today's Posts Search

User Tag List

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 12-12-2013, 09:55 AM   #4
Objective
( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
 
Objective's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,868
Battle Record: 17-32



Rep Power: 52474192
Objective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant future
Default

Nice opener, had to google what you were talking about but I didn't regret that I did. It will definitely be enjoyed by those that gets it without googling as well. However, when you're using the vocabulary that you do I'd appreciate it more if you proof-read it a bit more. '' sigapore'' being one of the offenders here. It kinda makes me stop and re-read the sentence which I shouldn't have to do as it disrupts the flow.

The mechanics of the verse was decent with lots of metaphores & wordplay (the sharks and the shark-god-opener for example), along with a rich language that makes the piece itself unique in its own sense. The title and how you carried on with the bilge as a concept was dope af. Pieces like this would definitely stand strong in a AOWL-match. Looking forward to read more from you.
__________________
I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o
Objective is offline   Reply With Quote
 


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:53 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2025 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+