Playoffs Round 1: No. 7 NYCSPITZ vs. No. 10 breathless - NYCSPITZ WINS 6-1

Aesthetic · 12-10-2013, 08:59 PM

NYCSPITZ:

I like what you did with the topic but the story I felt was fragmented and torn in places it shouldn't have been. Then again im a little spacy when I read it. Try using details that connect with emotions rather using just raw intelligence. I do however like how you dropped it off, means a lot more than a first glance.

Che Guevara acolyte - tall and handsome, house spacious as fuck.

Besides what I said you did well and I enjoyed the parts where I could "engage."

Viva

breathless:

The direction is prestine but honestly the execution didn't plot out how I wanted it too.

Lesbian<Stripper<Her boss Proposes Audaciously.

Did not dig the ending man. Besides that I was in tune and loved your scheme. I especially love:

Returning their leers with coy looks and a grin, but boy, was hers snide, crooked and dim.

V/ breathless.

12-10-2013, 08:59 PM	#6
Aesthetic Pimp Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: N/W Posts: 1,068 Battle Record: 1-12 Rep Power: 0	NYCSPITZ: I like what you did with the topic but the story I felt was fragmented and torn in places it shouldn't have been. Then again im a little spacy when I read it. Try using details that connect with emotions rather using just raw intelligence. I do however like how you dropped it off, means a lot more than a first glance. Che Guevara acolyte - tall and handsome, house spacious as fuck. Besides what I said you did well and I enjoyed the parts where I could "engage." Viva breathless: The direction is prestine but honestly the execution didn't plot out how I wanted it too. Lesbian<Stripper<Her boss Proposes Audaciously. Did not dig the ending man. Besides that I was in tune and loved your scheme. I especially love: Returning their leers with coy looks and a grin, but boy, was hers snide, crooked and dim. V/ breathless.