Week 10 - Diode (4-0) vs. ThisIsDam (3-0) - DIODE WINS 5-4

Nigma · 12-03-2013, 02:39 AM

Diode - Bold verse utilizing a component of the topic to your verse size. I felt you were very close to pulling it to create a monster verse for the size, but was thrown off by a couple lines that could have been reworded to better effect (the 'move in my tome' portion of a line near the end stands out as one, but there was 1 or 2 others). I feel you place a high onus for consistency on yourself when you limit the size so things like that will stand out more so then in a longer verse which has the chance to have more stand out lines to make up for them. Plenty of strong points, aside from a couple hiccups the verse left a good impression. For the most part it was well worded and a good angle on the topic. My only other concern would be the ambiguity of the 'truth'. My guess would be someone was unfaithful, but I'm probs wrong? I dunno. You maybe made it a little too mysterious for stupid people like me. Anyways, enjoyed the verse for what it was

Dam, was diggin some the schemes you were layin out there. The opener was really nicely worded with a diligently balanced syllable count which made it read smooooth as tits. I enjoyed the perspective of the verse, was as if I was looking over the shoulder but from a long ass ways away. The severity of the circumstances toward the end of the verse conjured vivid imagery for me, daunting, yet clear haha. Aside from increasing abstract vocabulary usage and looking to implore ways to add depth to storyline (which could be said for every verse) not much to say stands out as being bad, just need some consistency to the standout features to take the next leap in progression. Enough to earn my vote this week

+1 Dam

12-03-2013, 02:39 AM	#13
Nigma The COAT... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 1,723 Battle Record: 28-20 Champed - Art of Writing League (x3) Rep Power: 4595813	Diode - Bold verse utilizing a component of the topic to your verse size. I felt you were very close to pulling it to create a monster verse for the size, but was thrown off by a couple lines that could have been reworded to better effect (the 'move in my tome' portion of a line near the end stands out as one, but there was 1 or 2 others). I feel you place a high onus for consistency on yourself when you limit the size so things like that will stand out more so then in a longer verse which has the chance to have more stand out lines to make up for them. Plenty of strong points, aside from a couple hiccups the verse left a good impression. For the most part it was well worded and a good angle on the topic. My only other concern would be the ambiguity of the 'truth'. My guess would be someone was unfaithful, but I'm probs wrong? I dunno. You maybe made it a little too mysterious for stupid people like me. Anyways, enjoyed the verse for what it was Dam, was diggin some the schemes you were layin out there. The opener was really nicely worded with a diligently balanced syllable count which made it read smooooth as tits. I enjoyed the perspective of the verse, was as if I was looking over the shoulder but from a long ass ways away. The severity of the circumstances toward the end of the verse conjured vivid imagery for me, daunting, yet clear haha. Aside from increasing abstract vocabulary usage and looking to implore ways to add depth to storyline (which could be said for every verse) not much to say stands out as being bad, just need some consistency to the standout features to take the next leap in progression. Enough to earn my vote this week +1 Dam __________________