Week 9 - ZYG (1-2) vs. Mordycai (1-0) - ZYG WINS 8-0

Vulgar · 11-24-2013, 08:31 PM

Zygote - Pretty captivating for a verse written as uniformly as this. It was by the book in its execution, didn't bite off more than it could chew, etc. I've found that your creativity is never a questionable asset in your arsenal. Inner and outer detailing of your verses/ensuring smooth transitions for the reader strikes me as the focal point of your mainframe. This story was cool, I liked it. I thought the writing was a bit too plain, especially in the beginning. You didn't paint a picture of the octopus and the woman as thoroughly as I'd like my mind's eye to process and interpret. What colors, how does the woman's voice sound, which ocean and what is the weather like on this day, and so forth. All of those small pieces of information can make a difference, whether it's a children's book or a rhymed verse, IMO. Good work! The ending was a little underwhelming. You definitely had an opportunity to make the fox declare a brilliant proverb of sorts. You chose a different route, one of non-intervention with aquatic life.

Mordecai - This verse wasn't terrible but it also wasn't an enlightening experience. The beginning was vague and the ending didn't go anywhere. I didn't walk away from the read feeling entertained.. this could just be that you're still getting warmed up in this league. Writing topicals on a schedule with a deadline can have an demotivational factor and sap our creative energy when it matters most: interpreting a theme/picture in an original way. In that sense, you completely flopped. Writing wise there's potential, it just needs to be honed. Use spell check, by the way. I stumbled over a few words/phrases that were stand out flaws.

Vote - Zygote

11-24-2013, 08:31 PM	#12
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Zygote - Pretty captivating for a verse written as uniformly as this. It was by the book in its execution, didn't bite off more than it could chew, etc. I've found that your creativity is never a questionable asset in your arsenal. Inner and outer detailing of your verses/ensuring smooth transitions for the reader strikes me as the focal point of your mainframe. This story was cool, I liked it. I thought the writing was a bit too plain, especially in the beginning. You didn't paint a picture of the octopus and the woman as thoroughly as I'd like my mind's eye to process and interpret. What colors, how does the woman's voice sound, which ocean and what is the weather like on this day, and so forth. All of those small pieces of information can make a difference, whether it's a children's book or a rhymed verse, IMO. Good work! The ending was a little underwhelming. You definitely had an opportunity to make the fox declare a brilliant proverb of sorts. You chose a different route, one of non-intervention with aquatic life. Mordecai - This verse wasn't terrible but it also wasn't an enlightening experience. The beginning was vague and the ending didn't go anywhere. I didn't walk away from the read feeling entertained.. this could just be that you're still getting warmed up in this league. Writing topicals on a schedule with a deadline can have an demotivational factor and sap our creative energy when it matters most: interpreting a theme/picture in an original way. In that sense, you completely flopped. Writing wise there's potential, it just needs to be honed. Use spell check, by the way. I stumbled over a few words/phrases that were stand out flaws. Vote - Zygote