Week 8 - ZYG (1-1) vs. ThisIsDam (1-0) - THISISDAM WINS 5-3

timeless · 11-15-2013, 02:49 PM

ZYG : Your imagery was dope, everything flowed together somehow well enough for me not to be bothered by your horrendous structure and syllable count. Your wordplay was pretty lackthereof, and another thing I didn't get was how it seemed to stray from the topic a bit.
these memories are stored like so much emotional baggage.
This was about as creative as you got in this verse. You need to work on the story better, try fine tune the smaller details that you normally would cruise by.

Dam : The story seemed to confuse me a bit, was it a priest taking children into the woods for a field trip? A teacher? A BoyScouts leader in the woods with kids? Either way, I shouldn't be asking this question. The story was dope, it be great if it was a little clearer as to what was happening. It just kinda seemed like you started writing this with no goal or actual story in mind,you just stumbled upon a bunch of lines with clever wordplay and good flow, and just mixed the story in between it all.

Either way, this was close. Dam had the better "sorta story", had better wordplay and had the flow.

Vote - ThisisDam

11-15-2013, 02:49 PM	#6
timeless past tense Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: NJ Posts: 1,623 Battle Record: 22-39 Rep Power: 4341329	ZYG : Your imagery was dope, everything flowed together somehow well enough for me not to be bothered by your horrendous structure and syllable count. Your wordplay was pretty lackthereof, and another thing I didn't get was how it seemed to stray from the topic a bit. these memories are stored like so much emotional baggage. This was about as creative as you got in this verse. You need to work on the story better, try fine tune the smaller details that you normally would cruise by. Dam : The story seemed to confuse me a bit, was it a priest taking children into the woods for a field trip? A teacher? A BoyScouts leader in the woods with kids? Either way, I shouldn't be asking this question. The story was dope, it be great if it was a little clearer as to what was happening. It just kinda seemed like you started writing this with no goal or actual story in mind,you just stumbled upon a bunch of lines with clever wordplay and good flow, and just mixed the story in between it all. Either way, this was close. Dam had the better "sorta story", had better wordplay and had the flow. Vote - ThisisDam