ever after

[YDK]

Once upon a time a song of rhyme was written,
It went along the lines of modern times, love; smitten.
Boy meets girl, emotions swirl, and devastation must ensue.
End of the world when a heart breaks with the preservation of the two.

Incapable of facing the facade and the flaws,
Ignoring questions and suggestions, dodging them all.
Is it true love? Is divorce even an option?
Of course,
The coarseness of the beaten path is often left forgotten.
Yet its all for nought;
awful distactions plague and mock an authors thoughts.
He's lost in moments, where to hone it,
he must focus on the tone he sought.
A spoken truth, art; prevalent among those known as composers of plots.
But as a rose grows from the pavement; it still shows that the root will rot.
A weak base meant the speech faced criticism and backlash,
And with a cynical take on the rap he decides to trash that.
Scratch it and step back,
Let the piece lead him to where his pens at.
Started as a love story; ended as a brag track.
"...the fags wack!"
Is all he can finish with as he sees a verse that he laughs at.

Back to the present,
florescent light bulbs accent her essence.
The woman he married exits after making his entrance.
Head in a book again, staring at his nook with a grin,
Developing storylines ignoring the beauty that was looking at him.
Transfixed with the talent that balanced his moods,
Unfinished poems and verses lie scattered, lacking a Muse.
He tries in vain to hide disdain for his own emotionless pieces,
Unbeknownst to him,
his idols prospered in writing about love because they never achieved it.
Lonely authors speaking of things they only believed they perceived,
While he tried to mirror they're techniques about the one thing he received.
Monetary values were worthless to the men seeking more,
Yet to the man that chased adoration, the world lay ignored.

His wife of 20 years feeling like the authors that her husband loved,
And in a moment of self revelation she sighed as she shrugged.
She picked up a pencil and paper off the table he wrote at,
And with her own hopeless feeling she scribbled a note back.
"To the man that I married, and bore children for,
I write to say I love you, and I'll continue forever more.
You showed me the meaning of life, happiness undiluted,
But these past few years you've ignored me and our loves became polluted..."
She stopped there, weeping, trying to hold her composure,
But the lackluster effort faded as she gave up on closure.
Suddenly her husband walked in and noticed her tears,
Walked over to comfort her kissed on her ears.
He read what was written and became smitten again,
Realizing what he's been missing, had also been missing him.
The pain in a poem was more powerful than rhymes,
Love conquers all, but not all the time.
From that day forward he appreciated his wife,
For not only loving him but giving his writing new life.
He learned after years of failure that true agony can't be mirrored,
Sorrow is something only unhappy people can see...clearer.
He finished his heartfelt poems and ended the chapter,
While kissing his wife he wrote
"...and they lived happily ever after."

[YDK]

http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=29257

[Pakistani Hand Cannon]

you really openend up with once upon a time??

yeeeeuh im not reading this.

[YDK]

@Rugged it from AWOL the topic was they lived happily ever after

[Pakistani Hand Cannon]

lmfao
fair enough i guess...& seeing as its you...lemme read this

damn, first off not usually my type of thing, not cause i cant appriate it, more that these pieces tend to just be filled the fuck out with cliche after cliche at some reach in attempt to seem poetic...& worse yet it flys by most muhfukaz...wdeva...that said, i didnt mind reading this, couple lines i geniunely liked, aswell as a couple empty lines.

the entire opening was actually pretty nice, that "distraction plague - authors thoughts - he's lost in moments" i liked that, shit was articulated well...like i said, whole opening was (admittedly, suprisingly) nice - up until this...

But as a rose grows from the pavement; it still shows that the root will rot

^ is what i call one of them empty lines...i'd explain what i mean, but you really already know, & if you dont...you jont see my justification anyway so blah fuck it, lets just say i didnt like that line...& no i didnt miss how it relative to that 'weak base' line.

second section carried on tradition...i like the switch from him to her...

florescent light bulbs accent her essence

that line stands out in a good & bad way for me, her 'essence' as you call it, could've maybe been portrayed? iunno, just how im taking it at the time, like, perhaps explain what being accentuated by the lighting, something a lil more particular than 'essence'? blah, wdeva, maybe, maybe not

last section, again more of the same - not a bad thing - like i said i liked it. pretty uneventful ending n sht - i didnt really mind that for a second. didnt like the way you tied shit up though a couple of them statements i dont really agree with & dont seem well thought out...but im aware shit aint always as it seems, so maybe they are well thought out just from a different train of though...im just saying personally, a couple of them lines toward the end dont sit well. Also call it pedantic if you want, but dont think the whole shrugging & sighing makes sense, not that the two conflict...just dont think ive ever been in a circumstance where someone has sighed & shrugged at the same time lmfao if that makes sense, wdeva wdeva

overall, like i said i fucked with it, was written clean & not overly done for most part - i can appreciate it from that aspect alone. wasnt trying to be something it wasnt - has a level of authenticity i also liked.

no hate holmes, butchu already know, take it howeva you want it

#1 be easy

[YDK]

Thanks man I really appreciate the thoroughness lol an the sighing an shrugging my baby mama does to me all the fuckin time lmao like "ugh why do I bother" then shrugs it off lol the bitch

[Lost in Thought]

nice shit. great concept and story. and these type of things are normally more original when done well imo.. but what can i say..

i guess i like how it ends and the story thruout its pretty nice. devoted to writting is a easily related to character. nice write out.

[Frank]

Up

[Mr. J]

I missed the whole battle situation, regardless this was dope
I felt if you stuck it out more you could have, would have won
I remember the whole thing being close, you did a great job regardless
I'm not sure if this was the whole piece or if it has it's parts edited out
but you did a great job with the topic given regardless...dope drop
towards the end it started to mesh together very nicely...
I didn't enjoy the opening though :(...keep writing breh