Better Days

[CopyPat]

Sick of writing resumes… think I covered every letter too.
Live for slightly better days to come and get cheque or 2
Wanted this to end a few weeks earlier than it really did
Unemployment gets to you.. need earnings or ya feel like shit

I took the summer off on purpose, shit was fuckin awesome, worth it
But I didn't like my job, deserved a different kind. Put off returning
Willing life along.. it’d sure be really nice to not be working
This is why I’m lost, I’m searching business sites and blogs just surfing

Nothing seems appealing though, the ones that do need education
Fuck, I feel uneasy bro, stuck when choosing, debt is chasing
What would you be celebrating? Party time is clearly over
Dumped with losing everything we start to try the feeling sober

Never went to school, I just worked after graduating
Get a bit a loot, I determined, that was back way then
Cash makin, that segment of my life was pretty dope
Damn slavin, back breakin, but I liked just getting dough

Bought a truck, bought a house, moved up to management
Lotta bucks, lotta clout, ya dude fuckin handled it
I cruised up the ladder till there wasn't any place to take
And boozed up on Saturdays, cause Sunday was a lazy day

7 years later and I’m still at the same old job
Several beers later, the appeal is just wearin off
Staring off in sunsets, Smirnoff is front and
Center when I venture into things I haven’t done yet

Think about my life, and I’m bored with this career choice
Single now I’m like a little horny when I hear a voice
Of a femaaale, then I sudden-ly feel
That it’s time to move on.. so I’m done with retail

So I book my vacation time and soak up the sun
Till I look like a Haitian guy, and oh it was fun
A little low on the funds, man the cheddar goes fast
Begin to know that I’m done, and I’m never goin back

So I sit and I concentrate, and choose a new path
And I think and I contemplate, maybe school isn’t bad?
It’s a crazy view when you have different types of debt to pay
I paid my dues, yet I’m strapped. But I’m sick of writing resumes…

[Plot]

That was ill, so agree with you Pat, my life seems directionless
Loved that Smirnoff Segway, nice

[Darth Yoda]

Wow good job :)

[Wise Wiggles]

I've seen you do this type of piece before lol.. I enjoyed it. Always multies upon multies. props. I'll come back and edit in my fav lines.

[YDK]

This was tight bro, flow was solid as always and the storyline was original aswell. Loved how you brought the end back to the beginning and kinda narrated the entire reason you hate resumes lol definitely something alot of js have gone through an regretting the college avoidance is a big issue too. Multies an imagery were straight too. Overall a real solid drop her bruv, keep em coming

[Mr. J]

This reminded me of an old Cam'ron joint
nice work pat pat

[breathless]

Real nice piece, and not shit 'cause it totally hits home with me... Just quit a 4 year job in retail, tryin to get back in factory work.

These lines especially

Bought a truck, bought a house, moved up to management
Lotta bucks, lotta clout, ya dude fuckin handled it
I cruised up the ladder till there wasn't any place to take
And boozed up on Saturdays, cause Sunday was a lazy day

7 years later and I’m still at the same old job
Several beers later, the appeal is just wearin off
Staring off in sunsets, Smirnoff is front and
Center when I venture into things I haven’t done yet

Think about my life, and I’m bored with this career choice
Single now I’m like a little horny when I hear a voice
Of a femaaale, then I sudden-ly feel
That it’s time to move on.. so I’m done with retail


Lovin the audio format, breakin lines up to keep the 4/4, good shit man, real good... And fuck resumes! I hate that shit when they want them for non suit and tie/office job

[CopyPat]

ha, word. thx for the love homies

any other feed from anyone that says i do the same shit?
haha

back to my "normal style" i think.. more fun

[Geno]

Well done
You ventured into a whole different sort of content. Flow was still evident and reads really weell for laying on a track. Dug the story man, a lot of shit in there to relate to. Nice to see you trying something different. Thanks for the b.a.n. feed. Ill peep your other joint later also

[dead man]

Staring off in sunsets, Smirnoff is front and
Center when I venture into things I haven’t done yet

dope!


i think this was a nice display of REAL LIFE influencing expression. look man, i'm all for having fun writing. of course its fun if it wasn't none of us would do it in our spare time. i think we just have fun in different ways when it comes down to the art-form. it would be easy for me to write about lighthearted topics and how great i am and whatever. but thats not fun for me to read or write anymore. been there done that. i look at it like this: conflict is the heart of every story. fictional or otherwise. without a conflict, you have a journal entry. you have an event. you can talk about that event. but it's not a story that anybody wants to read.

you are an exceptional rhymer. good rapper. seem like a great dude in all honesty and i envy folks like you who are so adamant about keeping the energy positive.

it was clear that this was harder for you to write than your usual stuff that isn't so focused and isn't so conflicted. but for what it's worth i feel for your situation and based on your character i'm sure you'll be straight on the employment tip within no time.

the line i quoted was my favorite out of the verse. there were others close to quotables but that i think conveyed your struggle to break out into a new job venture and break through your comfort zone very well.

stay up patrick.





1

[Objective]

I can appreciate the craftmanship it takes to write this shit. The multies are on point, but as far as content and secong read-through goes it's rather bland and boring to me. It's basicly just you whining about some shit a lot of people go through without saying anything poignant or putting it in interesting light. I can relate A LOT to this shit as well, and for me to say that it was rather boring to read even when I can relate says a lot imo. The story itself is nothing special even tho' I can give props to the hardship you've been through and how you've handled it. Perhaps it is because I can relate that it came off as boring cuz you didn't say anything to me that made me open my eyes. I don't know, but something was definitely lacking content-wise imo.

I feel like this would work 100 times better as a audio rather than a written piece. It takes more than multies to make a great piece imo, as an audio it would be interesting to listen to the flow and you spitting some real life shit. Compared to what I've read from you before this wasn't appealing to me. Slightly above average; 5.5/10.

Edit: Word at what Dead Man said tho', this shit was dope:

Staring off in sunsets, Smirnoff is front and
Center when I venture into things I haven’t done yet

Think about my life, and I’m bored with this career choice
Single now I’m like a little horny when I hear a voice
Of a femaaale, then I sudden-ly feel
That it’s time to move on.. so I’m done with retail

But that's about it for me.

[Certain]

I liked what you wrote for our collaboration way back two months ago (seems like longer, doesn't it?) more, but this was good. You were straining rhymes much more than you normally do ("graduating"/"back way then" being the biggest offender), but that comes with writing more straightforward content. "Straightforward" sums this up. I thought you could have been a little more clever or a little more emotive or a little more descriptive, but I think you intentionally went about this with a simple, relatable approach.