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Old 10-20-2013, 05:38 PM   #1
Wise Wiggles
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Default In waves..

I plant myself in my grave. Every night is my slave.
Depraved. Stolen. Rolling at raves. In waves. Is this staged?
Holding a flame. Scolding in shame. Folding my brain.
Molten in rain. Unspillable bubbler. I'm feeling I love her.
Killing the cover. Chilling. Discolored. A pillion have- uhh, you're
Ill as a sun burn. Ready to plagiarize some Raveneye's,
Which are delaying light. I'm waaaaay too high
So God cares? You're wrong to think it
Those cross-hairs belong to Jesus
Gross, arm chairs? I wanna eat it
I'm about as honest as ponzi slime, in this chronic of concubines
Just a zombie that's on the line. Chomping the rotten minds
I'm watching. Yes, Spawn's alive. Exhausting these groggy sky's
For all the yawning's that wanna die. Wash me. Lobotomize.
Found a couch in the clouds and it's comfortable here
Under the pier, I float face down in refundable fear
And this distrust I dip brushes in barely
Is a witch hunt when I script something with diligent substance,
Sorta scary to think, yo, so.. You only spit once, just rip up & tare me.
Hidden plots for missing cops, trying to dig what was buried.
Covered in pig's blood, a Carrie-Norman-hybrid
Can never bury a corpse in silence. Digital Portland-violet
Half fried, Harvey Dent Versace, Ben's a zombie
My ten's are sloppy like Gwen Stefani
Spit car fires, barbed wire writtens
Tar highs, with jarred spider lineage
Star diving idiot. Mogwai. Insidious.
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Last edited by Wise Wiggles; 10-20-2013 at 05:41 PM.
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Old 10-20-2013, 09:04 PM   #2
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Default

This was a cool, odd read. It read in spurts, but it was ok. As for the topic at hand, I know I'm not the greatest at posting topics and keeping on track (well, in my mind, I think I do, but to the reader they can't see what I mean to write in subtle metaphor). But this was cool, read well, decent mechanics and enjoyable throughout. Some things didn't completely make sense to me, I mean I could understand what you were conveying, - for the most part - I just think it wasn't worded carefully.

You teeter tottered from actually saying something in metaphor, to talking about how you write, and comparing them ever so often. Not sure what you were aiming for, but it was decent to me - enjoyable.

You seemed to adjust on being strange, cool.
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Old 10-21-2013, 12:21 PM   #3
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I'm about as honest as ponzi slime, in this chronic of concubines
Just a zombie that's on the line. Chomping the rotten minds
I'm watching. Yes, Spawn's alive. Exhausting these groggy sky's
For all the yawning's that wanna die. Wash me. Lobotomize.

favorite part. loved the last few lines too. you've always had a talent for mixing multies together, stuff i've never seen people create or at least word combinations that stick out and arent ever what you're expecting. like always ,got me in a writing mood. always enjoy your reads, mostly because it's so scatter-brained, it really reaches out on how many thoughts you must have going at a time and this is how you lay them out. good shit, wise
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Old 10-24-2013, 08:28 AM   #4
Wise Wiggles
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Default

Thanks
This was supposed to be about sticking my dick in a Jell-O shot
Guess it veered off a tad
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Old 10-24-2013, 02:30 PM   #5
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I liked this one. You picked up the pace and quality after the beginning, once you stopped with the staccato one word rhyming shits. Good read.
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Old 10-24-2013, 02:55 PM   #6
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Default

ur weird, this was weird. it was cool though. super original.. unequivocally wize ways no doubt about it. lots of quotables.. im waaaaaaaay to high haha was legit. sneaky good vocab u got that i never expect but end up getting anyways. ur always venting it feels like.

last few bars were sick starting with harvey dent, nice way to end it. always enjoyable. keep up the strangeness
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Old 10-29-2013, 07:56 PM   #7
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"Molten in rain. Unspillable bubbler. I'm feeling I love her.
Killing the cover. Chilling. Discolored. A pillion have- uhh, you're
Ill as a sun burn. Ready to plagiarize some Raveneye's,
Which are delaying light. I'm waaaaay too high"

Slick shit..

It was a picnic..

I clicked with..

this script..
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Old 10-30-2013, 09:33 AM   #8
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word to whoever said it read in spurts, thats exactly what it was, a cool read content wise but real stop-start ish as i skimmed it

read this at RB

keep that pen moving!
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