Week 5 - Split Eight (0-1) vs. Genocide (0-1) - SPLIT EIGHT WINS 11-1

Adonis · 10-27-2013, 11:29 PM

Geno - IDK man. This progression of the story was out of whack, I mean you went from a kid being sad to being signed on a label. The flow had moments, but there were parts I didn't like or simply have a different pronunciation and didn't find the flow (different your punked/ Big as it was) I do appreciate the use of non A typical rhymes as that though, just was a swing and miss for me.

Split - "where the sand missed the lake"...Dope imagery/wording..."With embarrassing shake", not so much dope. Good imagery, but I see you either omitted a word or changed wording for flows/inner scheme sake. Would rather this line be touched up with less rhyme or shortened for imagery alone, you don't have to do both non stop if one is good enough. "Paper rocked harmonica eyes" dope ripple in the water imagery.

So, the opening stanza takes me for a spin, because you say it's not a love Ballard but it clearly is. I feel like you're literally talking about a lake, but also playing with the mind in making me think it may still be a girl. either way, some truly astonishing lines, I say that meaning fucking amazing imagery and wording.

V/Split

To me, split had Geno from the beginning. I quoted a few lines from the start of splits verse because they are stand out. Split faded a bit near the end, but the concept was there, was a bit more refined I feel because it didn't have awkward time frame leaps or anything, and still executed the topic better while having a decent flow even if it wasn't the most complex. I don't mind, because the work he did drop was solid. Good showing

10-27-2013, 11:29 PM	#12
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946449	Geno - IDK man. This progression of the story was out of whack, I mean you went from a kid being sad to being signed on a label. The flow had moments, but there were parts I didn't like or simply have a different pronunciation and didn't find the flow (different your punked/ Big as it was) I do appreciate the use of non A typical rhymes as that though, just was a swing and miss for me. Split - "where the sand missed the lake"...Dope imagery/wording..."With embarrassing shake", not so much dope. Good imagery, but I see you either omitted a word or changed wording for flows/inner scheme sake. Would rather this line be touched up with less rhyme or shortened for imagery alone, you don't have to do both non stop if one is good enough. "Paper rocked harmonica eyes" dope ripple in the water imagery. So, the opening stanza takes me for a spin, because you say it's not a love Ballard but it clearly is. I feel like you're literally talking about a lake, but also playing with the mind in making me think it may still be a girl. either way, some truly astonishing lines, I say that meaning fucking amazing imagery and wording. V/Split To me, split had Geno from the beginning. I quoted a few lines from the start of splits verse because they are stand out. Split faded a bit near the end, but the concept was there, was a bit more refined I feel because it didn't have awkward time frame leaps or anything, and still executed the topic better while having a decent flow even if it wasn't the most complex. I don't mind, because the work he did drop was solid. Good showing __________________ I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR