Diode

[Diode]

wake up on the floor with this blood on my hands
i dont know where i been, or what's the plan
puttin sirens in my head, hearin ringin and rungin
while i try to lift my legs and start standin an runnin
an it's tellin me somethin, but it ain't too good
'cos these dead appendages are stayin planted like wood
sensitized to my senses, an my pupils explore
seein spattered blood stains left all over the floor
they're sillhouttin my body, scattered shells of a shotty
and i can't yet come to grips that i'm crippled an rottin
ain't nobody beside me, see i'm bleedin alone
an start to realize my location is a funeral home

but i swear that i'm livin, livin death in a dream
and this notion will stick with me as i move from the scene
so i'm back in my mind, i'm now explorin the line
that makes reality real, an my existence defined
and it isn't a lie, swear i'm here on this earth
i'm not tucked into a casket now awaiting rebirth
cos my siblings'll hurt, i mean my friends an my fam
how can i understand death without their love in my hands
now i'm losin it y'all, i can't awake for my life
i stay surrounded in darkness, forever clouded in strife

wake up in a cradle wit these tears on my face
i got some fears to replace, i got a mind to erase
and i'm losin my place, completely lost in a shell
my fists're swingin, hands are shakin, an i'm grippin the cell
but i scream to myself, the words are jumbled an such
and see my vision's now distorted 'cos i'm yellin too much
so what do i do? helpless, senseless, and lost
till i realize with these clear eyes that i'm livin the cost
of a life without sin, of a life without hell
of a life without the torture i'm deserving as well
an then my memory's gone, just in a blink of an eye
i become a tiny infant who ain't sleepin
and cry...

--

while i'm sittin here alone
gettin high in this broken ass home
loved an lost, but why this time
you left me here after crossin the line

cryin deep sobs into my pillow
no reply, i cant even hear a hello
who you with, instead of here and now
i cant understand why or how

i remember all those nights layin warm inside you arms
recallin how i loved you, kept you ever safe from harm
we were charmed, knowin we were blessed from our beggings
yet despite all of our wonder, you couldnt keep from sinnin
now who's winnin?
the breath that lies within my chest is stiflin
these tears upon these eyes and they'll never stop their cryin
i'm dyin, inside, the pain within these bones
just leave me of this house and then evict me from this home

alone, finished, my hope completely lost
yeah your end result is realized but what happens to the cost
forget me? i'm here. still rattlin this cage.
i'm beat to death and without breath i'll die within a rage
so hear me. and feel me. acknowledge my existence.
i'm present tense an won't relent until you seek forgiveness
it's business. not finished. i mean it. i'll last.
so accept that i'm your future and then free me from your past

lemee switch it up, you gotta listen, listen to my prayers
just because youre pregnant with my seed dont mean youll miss the stairs
bitch im splittin up hairs, with a cleaver an stare,
so protect ya neck or get it wet an hooked up to the chair
i'll electrify you, an the kid'll go to
and i dont give a fuck cunt cos it matters to who?
it's me, the mothafuckin murderous cat
i got a swifter trigger finger than your man can react

think about that, is it worth it to you?
to lose ya life, lose ya love, lose ya family too?
cos im takin you out, but not to dinner an shit
i'm talkin butcher knives in line headed straight for ya wrists
so keep on fuckin around, i'll be scoutin the town
to find ya man, find ya fam, an put all in the ground
yeah you fucked with my heart, i guess it wasnt too smart
i'll just begin my mean streak's with ya head as the start

--

topic: You're a professional onion cutter.. And you always cry when you cut onions.. After a year of onion cutting.. The onion cutting gets mysterious side-effects... Explain and tell what happens..

-- note: Spartz.. you fucking weirdo.. lmao --

My profession is a lifeline.. spendin time inside a jail cell..
Choppin up the onions.. an preparin 'em for retail..
Make the dollars where I can.. but I'm waitin for a sign..
'Cos workin hard is painful.. when employment makes ya cry..

Mornin sunshine hits the pen.. I rise.. and breathe again..
Inhale the stench of labor.. this torture's without end..
Sharpen blades on blocks.. they sparkle.. an feel like glocks..
Two grips were in my fists.. when I pumped 'em full of rocks..
Mental breakdowns on the regular.. my eyes is growin' heavier..
Fascinated with the peeler.. an it's slowly gettin deadlier..

People toil all around.. so the animosity's abound..
Chattering consumes me.. I rage with every sound..
Amidst the tears and struggles.. convulsions in my muscles..
Pupils wide with fury.. and they're straining in rebuttal..

The delusions setting in.. we hallucinate and grin..
Yet they lack the realization.. I'm completely unlike them..
After slaughterin that family.. I didn't plead insanity..
'Cos I reveled in their murder.. with a brand new sense of clarity..
Now with every onion peel.. comes the imagery of steel..
Glinting in the moonlight.. as the memory becomes real..

They're comin down my eyes.. but I'm set forth on a mission..
Behind these prison walls.. homicide is now a given..
Turn from cutting onions.. to severing their heads..
But don't call the psycho ward..

This ain't no side effect!

--

i remember how we met
the first day
the way you looked at me before i turned an walked away
your number, i had it
i called it, it rang
an your tender little voice perked up to me an sang
sweet melodies of love, the richest known to nature
our hearts were intertwined and i saw you as a savior
escapin.. the life, i wasn't satisfied
so i gave up what i needed to just turn an make you mine
an divine.. describes.. each moment my demeanor.
until one day you came to take this heart away with heaters..
and bang.. it's over.. like that.. an instant
now every time i close my eyes i'll see yours in the distance..

--

The Other Side of the Fence

I..

follow the reflection from within my window's pane
recallin past events concurrently ponderin the same
what beat of the drum does this life seek to take its form
are passion and desire enough for us to beat the storm
snowflakes dance behind my pupils, so delicate in nature
while gales whistlin in the wind signal day is growin later
as evening dawns upon me, i'll envision other worlds
full of mommy's special boys and daddy's little girls
nobody ever ages, childhoods are never spoiled
an everything's rose colored 'cos nobody ever toils
families will stick together making lifetime memories
best friends can last forever cos drama's simply heresy
i know it's all too obvious but this vision's so complete
hopes and goals are always met an' the ends'll tie up neat
no matter how impossible or uncertain this may seem
we gotta vie for other sides so it ain't just in our dreams

(meanwhile.. on the other side of the fence..)

I..

stare relentless defying the perfection in my life
the scene set here unchanging without a daily strife
see seasons don't exist within the walls of correct cities
anger's just an afterthought when there's nothing we can pity
longing for an alternative appears to be a waste of time
when nothing here is ever flawed, how can i see the signs
love keeps going all around with nothing left in private
an debates of fate can't relate in lives replete with silence
i'm praying in the golden sun of utopian paradise
for anarchy, famine, war, and antonyms of nice
my head will lay upon the grass bright with chlorophyll
and gaze upon the bright blue sky questioning god's will
tis then there'll be a lady fair, appearing in the garden
harvesting the poisoned seed i nearly had forgotten
this perfect place will cease to be as fruits shall meet my face
then vicious voices full of glee will cast us from our grace

(epilogue)

a serpent scaled did so rise and throw him from his throne
so it was that man did fall and landed in the former home
free of will, full of sight, he's wishing for the days of yore
if only he was capable of knowing what he left them for...