Week 4 - Mike Wrecka (1-2) vs. YDK (1-2) - YDK WINS 4-3

patrown · 10-21-2013, 01:26 AM

YDK - well, the piece is thoroughly dark. you hit the topic fairly well, but i didn't dig the repetition. mostly because i couldn't pull any additional information, or meaning from it. i like some of the points you made, and where you went in the end though. especially..
Insanities a catastrophe in the eye of the sane,
I yearn for understanding so in the sky I remain.

i can relate to that. and this line is especially powerful.
since emotions have all forgotten me.

also liked the phrase "horroscope." you let a lot open to interpretation, like who this is address to, which i was wondering about after the, "where in the hell would you be without me," line. i think focusing in on the self and not including the audience in it could have helped you make a more effective statement. if you were to make a solid point about the state of mind you were exploring, and given me something to walk away with, you may have had the /v.

/v Mike Wrecka - i enjoyed your modern twist on the story. you were very effective including so many expects of the game into the piece. including that famous song's line was, imo, very creative. where some rhymes were lackluster, your approach really came through to end with a very solid piece. favorite lines..
so she sought solace in the other man's mansion,
the plumber was so mad, he kicked his pet turtle in a damn tantrum,

that got a laugh out of me. clean execution throughout. nice piece.

10-21-2013, 01:26 AM	#12
patrown ‹^›ô¿ô‹^› Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 596 Battle Record: 13-19 Rep Power: 0	YDK - well, the piece is thoroughly dark. you hit the topic fairly well, but i didn't dig the repetition. mostly because i couldn't pull any additional information, or meaning from it. i like some of the points you made, and where you went in the end though. especially.. Insanities a catastrophe in the eye of the sane, I yearn for understanding so in the sky I remain. i can relate to that. and this line is especially powerful. since emotions have all forgotten me. also liked the phrase "horroscope." you let a lot open to interpretation, like who this is address to, which i was wondering about after the, "where in the hell would you be without me," line. i think focusing in on the self and not including the audience in it could have helped you make a more effective statement. if you were to make a solid point about the state of mind you were exploring, and given me something to walk away with, you may have had the /v. /v Mike Wrecka - i enjoyed your modern twist on the story. you were very effective including so many expects of the game into the piece. including that famous song's line was, imo, very creative. where some rhymes were lackluster, your approach really came through to end with a very solid piece. favorite lines.. so she sought solace in the other man's mansion, the plumber was so mad, he kicked his pet turtle in a damn tantrum, that got a laugh out of me. clean execution throughout. nice piece.