Week 4 - Mike Wrecka (1-2) vs. YDK (1-2) - YDK WINS 4-3

Certain · 10-21-2013, 12:06 AM

YDK: I'm 95% sure you were personifying the moon here, but this verse was really all over the place. Your lines had a lot of disconnect. Every read through provides even more confusion, frankly. I'd be happy to hear some form of explanation from you because I may simply be missing things. There were some fine turns of phrase and good rhymes, but they never quite coalesced into a greater work. Still, I think there were some strides here. I liked the second stanza most, and I don't know if that was an intentional nod to Aceyalone or not, but it was cool though it didn't make much contextual sense.

Mike Wrecka: I hate when this happens. You had the clearly superior verse here. But your verse had nothing to do with the topic. My feeling was you had this creative idea for a verse and felt the need to fit it into a league instead of just posting it in Open Mic. That might theoretically work had you waited for a more relevant topic, perhaps something about fighting a bully or saving a damsel in distress. I can't say the verse was ever laugh-out-loud funny, but it definitely brought a lot of smirks to my face. It was clever as shit. But I didn't see how the topic was incorporated aside from a quoted Dean Martin line that isn't even really about the moon.

Vote: YDK

10-21-2013, 12:06 AM	#11
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	YDK: I'm 95% sure you were personifying the moon here, but this verse was really all over the place. Your lines had a lot of disconnect. Every read through provides even more confusion, frankly. I'd be happy to hear some form of explanation from you because I may simply be missing things. There were some fine turns of phrase and good rhymes, but they never quite coalesced into a greater work. Still, I think there were some strides here. I liked the second stanza most, and I don't know if that was an intentional nod to Aceyalone or not, but it was cool though it didn't make much contextual sense. Mike Wrecka: I hate when this happens. You had the clearly superior verse here. But your verse had nothing to do with the topic. My feeling was you had this creative idea for a verse and felt the need to fit it into a league instead of just posting it in Open Mic. That might theoretically work had you waited for a more relevant topic, perhaps something about fighting a bully or saving a damsel in distress. I can't say the verse was ever laugh-out-loud funny, but it definitely brought a lot of smirks to my face. It was clever as shit. But I didn't see how the topic was incorporated aside from a quoted Dean Martin line that isn't even really about the moon. Vote: YDK __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.