Frank.
Quote:
We all have our darker sides - it's how we handle that phase.
Our light and dark moments foreshadow our change..
Cratered by our imperfections we synchronize as our planet rotates.
Drowning out all but the brightest stars in our massive terrain.
So don't tell me your shining - show me the glint off broken glass on the stage.
Where we are going isn't very far - just A galaxy away.
Man has much farther to go within himself,
So let us travel -let us pray
Understand what it means to be human.
Let us dance.
And let us sang.
One Small Step For Man -
not M.J.
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the development of the story was spot on, personal touches everywhere, the flow was nice and not too technical but not sloppy. its connection to an icon that glows bright, fades, but you never think will go away. steps beyond a metaphor into practically an allegory. you could probably get that piece published. you could probably get it put on his damn grave.
Mike Wrecka, wrecker of typewritten mics
Quote:
but things left unsaid, never spoke, gave me hope,
after all these years drowning, now im swimming, afloat/
taking a soak in the obvious, a stream of consciousness,
collecting all the pieces from these broken promises/
to my astonishment, she's still waiting, smiling,
so I'm gonna find for her everything that's worth finding/
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word. the flow/ lyricism was your strong suit. you developed your character really well, not on a personal level, that's where Frank got you. some of the end rhymes werent exactly forced but felt artificial almost, idk, but still i hope no one assumes this is a blowout cuz
Quote:
ive roamed continents, we were apart like forceps,
now the fulcrum has closed, as I stand on the door step/
she steps outside and there's no mistakin shes in,
got the weight of the world on my shoulders, and its making me grin/
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can we just appreciate that conclusion
really dope battle. V/ Frank
02-17-2013, 03:16 PM
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