Week 4 - Objective (2-0) vs. Just Write (2-0) - JUST WRITE WINS 6-0

Certain · 10-18-2013, 04:07 AM

Just Write: This was a unique approach, for sure. It reminded me of the old B-boys.com project where they built modernist backgrounds for fairy-tale characters. I think it would have been both more challenging and more interesting to set Jack and Jill in a modern context, but you did a good job providing a lot of depth to a four-line nursery rhyme, so I'm not complaining at all. I picked up on the Jack and Jill twist once you mentioned riding horses up the hill for water. But I think that was probably intentional, and I'm glad I didn't get stunned by the reveal at the end. I think the opening couplet and the couplet beginning "This was before" were a bit out of place as forced commentary on a "simpler" time, and the verse would have worked better had those couplets been removed and the story been told more straightforwardly. The flow also was a little choppier than some of your previous verses. But this definitely is another notch in your belt as an elite-level storyteller. You had a creative idea and executed it with simple effectiveness.

Objective: This was a weak drop. I don't know what else to say. It was exceedingly simple to the point where it seemed like the type of thing a new writer would post. The idea wasn't so bad, but the execution had the air of someone who didn't care. You're the type who rises to the occasion often, so I was disappointed to see this against an opponent as good as Just Write.

Vote: Just Write

10-18-2013, 04:07 AM	#4
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	Just Write: This was a unique approach, for sure. It reminded me of the old B-boys.com project where they built modernist backgrounds for fairy-tale characters. I think it would have been both more challenging and more interesting to set Jack and Jill in a modern context, but you did a good job providing a lot of depth to a four-line nursery rhyme, so I'm not complaining at all. I picked up on the Jack and Jill twist once you mentioned riding horses up the hill for water. But I think that was probably intentional, and I'm glad I didn't get stunned by the reveal at the end. I think the opening couplet and the couplet beginning "This was before" were a bit out of place as forced commentary on a "simpler" time, and the verse would have worked better had those couplets been removed and the story been told more straightforwardly. The flow also was a little choppier than some of your previous verses. But this definitely is another notch in your belt as an elite-level storyteller. You had a creative idea and executed it with simple effectiveness. Objective: This was a weak drop. I don't know what else to say. It was exceedingly simple to the point where it seemed like the type of thing a new writer would post. The idea wasn't so bad, but the execution had the air of someone who didn't care. You're the type who rises to the occasion often, so I was disappointed to see this against an opponent as good as Just Write. Vote: Just Write __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.