The Cave

Fig · 02-16-2013, 03:38 PM

And which maps away across the paths in the brain And I master the waves and crack the chains as sparks flew, And I chart my cruise through the passageways And I start anew but my hearts confused, Earthly gains, Is it a worthy game?

^^^
That was just great representation of the piece as a whole. You have a very unique structure that is fun to read alongwith. Also, i love the interpretation you leave up to the reader. There were some points where you started a line with the same word, like as. You should find a way to diversify the way you begin lines. Break up the monotony. Overall, good piece, I'll be looking out for other drops.

02-16-2013, 03:38 PM	#4
Fig Om Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 6,461 Battle Record: 8-16 Rep Power: 84181562	And which maps away across the paths in the brain And I master the waves and crack the chains as sparks flew, And I chart my cruise through the passageways And I start anew but my hearts confused, Earthly gains, Is it a worthy game? ^^^ That was just great representation of the piece as a whole. You have a very unique structure that is fun to read alongwith. Also, i love the interpretation you leave up to the reader. There were some points where you started a line with the same word, like as. You should find a way to diversify the way you begin lines. Break up the monotony. Overall, good piece, I'll be looking out for other drops. __________________ BIRDHORSE 8-15