maid to suffer

Inno · 10-09-2013, 08:18 PM

So I begin with a mirror and a reflection…my eyes withered and weathered from past digressions ….ohh !! did I mention I’m less than perfect!...I’m humble because I earned it, I’m to poor to be boastful. If I could be earnest for a moment..I’d confess that choice for me was chosen. I was given this fate but I don’t buy it…so how I could I ever own it? How I do except a gift filled with regrets, Riffs of lament tuning out chords of despair so intense all while I’m expected to feel contempt. Maybe I’m out of contexts..but I’m exaggerating for you to connect with the intent and the truth my words put on text. I spew honesty and hard work but all you see is color and connect it to myself worth. It’s funny…I’m good enough to clean your bathrooms, watch your kids and answer to your wishes. All while denied the right to buy and clean my own dishes…So what’s worse? My ignorance to virtues or your negligence and the withholding of what I pursue? The pursuits of my dream leave me chasing sleep and the hours that took it.

I’m willing and able to carry the weight of my people across this fable. I want a piece of that pie…. though you leave me crumbs at the table, I’m still reaching to stifle this satiable hunger. The foot race to my future is held in your hands…how ironic. No matter my performance I’m still subject to ignorance and poor judgment. Go ahead push me down…that only means ill have free hands to stand back up, dont let me reach…the mountains peak. Keep me at bay….ill swim around the fences to freedom….tie my hands, ill still rewrite history; you’ll be the first to witness it. So cast me out and drown me in my own self doubt…but like a seedling Ill search for the sun…because after the storm, the rain stops as well as the clouds.

Inno · 10-10-2013, 12:08 PM

Up

Mr. J · 10-13-2013, 04:11 AM

This was cool..seemed like a simple approach yet effective in its own way
you seem to grasp a difficult technicality some are foreign to..heh
and your style shines through nicely as I continue reading
idk if you stopped because you felt this was enough or what
but I feel you could have taken thia further nice drop breh

e11even · 10-13-2013, 09:18 AM

Wow. I was touched by this display. I'm not sure who the protagonist is (pic?), but you could really fill in the blank from many diff angles. I love the passion poured into this, and how the words become this piece's activist. This is strongest from a social conscience standpoint and feels like its drawn from somewhere very specific and personal. I enjoyed reading. Keep doing ya thang Inno.

Inno · 10-13-2013, 02:30 PM

@Mr. J

thanx mans this was actually a spoken word piece I figured id post it for critique and tbh I never thought about expanding it...thanx for the idea.

@vividly vague

this was very personal and thanx for noticing that bro.

WILL RTF SEND ME LINKS

Zen · 10-13-2013, 02:57 PM

This was dope Inno. The second paragraph connected to me more than the first but the first had its moments too. Especially dug the last line of the first paragraph talking about chasing sleep. Dope. I'd say the flow was spotty for me but that didn't take anything away from this piece imo. The strongest point of this was the personal emotional content, and even if it wasn't personal you made it seem that way. Great job my friend.

Allen Knight · 10-14-2013, 03:29 PM

The foot race to my future is held in your hands…how ironic. No matter my performance I’m still subject to ignorance and poor judgment.

that was was ill, dope read liked the concept of this piece brah

e11even · 10-15-2013, 01:00 AM

u feed well.

thanks for volunteering tho. i'm emaciated.

Bodey · 10-15-2013, 08:53 AM

pretty creative approach here, i was impressed

loved the bread crumbs line, and chasing sleep as your dream,

nice wording. i liked it because it was different than what you're used to seeing in the open mic. would've liked it to be longer but i still enjoyed it. good drop

10-09-2013, 08:18 PM	#1
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,025 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899403	maid to suffer So I begin with a mirror and a reflection…my eyes withered and weathered from past digressions ….ohh !! did I mention I’m less than perfect!...I’m humble because I earned it, I’m to poor to be boastful. If I could be earnest for a moment..I’d confess that choice for me was chosen. I was given this fate but I don’t buy it…so how I could I ever own it? How I do except a gift filled with regrets, Riffs of lament tuning out chords of despair so intense all while I’m expected to feel contempt. Maybe I’m out of contexts..but I’m exaggerating for you to connect with the intent and the truth my words put on text. I spew honesty and hard work but all you see is color and connect it to myself worth. It’s funny…I’m good enough to clean your bathrooms, watch your kids and answer to your wishes. All while denied the right to buy and clean my own dishes…So what’s worse? My ignorance to virtues or your negligence and the withholding of what I pursue? The pursuits of my dream leave me chasing sleep and the hours that took it. I’m willing and able to carry the weight of my people across this fable. I want a piece of that pie…. though you leave me crumbs at the table, I’m still reaching to stifle this satiable hunger. The foot race to my future is held in your hands…how ironic. No matter my performance I’m still subject to ignorance and poor judgment. Go ahead push me down…that only means ill have free hands to stand back up, dont let me reach…the mountains peak. Keep me at bay….ill swim around the fences to freedom….tie my hands, ill still rewrite history; you’ll be the first to witness it. So cast me out and drown me in my own self doubt…but like a seedling Ill search for the sun…because after the storm, the rain stops as well as the clouds.

10-13-2013, 04:11 AM	#3
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	This was cool..seemed like a simple approach yet effective in its own way you seem to grasp a difficult technicality some are foreign to..heh and your style shines through nicely as I continue reading idk if you stopped because you felt this was enough or what but I feel you could have taken thia further nice drop breh __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

10-13-2013, 09:18 AM	#4
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	Wow. I was touched by this display. I'm not sure who the protagonist is (pic?), but you could really fill in the blank from many diff angles. I love the passion poured into this, and how the words become this piece's activist. This is strongest from a social conscience standpoint and feels like its drawn from somewhere very specific and personal. I enjoyed reading. Keep doing ya thang Inno. __________________ Ahem.

10-14-2013, 03:29 PM	#7
Allen Knight Foreva us, neva them. Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 9,176 Battle Record: 106-34 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - Key to Greatness I - BA Cypher Tournament - Tag Team Tournament I - Fight Night LXXVI - Time to Kill V - Fight Night LXXX - 1-2 Punch League - Fight Night Cypher II - Key Grand Prix IV - NBL Cypher (7x) - Throwdown Cypher - Netcees Battle League (2x) - BA Cypher III - Fight Night 1 - Tag Team Tournament V Rep Power: 85899401	The foot race to my future is held in your hands…how ironic. No matter my performance I’m still subject to ignorance and poor judgment. that was was ill, dope read liked the concept of this piece brah __________________ C.O.B The Bad Guys.

10-15-2013, 01:00 AM	#8
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	u feed well. thanks for volunteering tho. i'm emaciated. __________________ Ahem.

10-10-2013, 12:08 PM	#2
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,025 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899403	Up

10-13-2013, 02:30 PM	#5
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,025 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899403	@Mr. J thanx mans this was actually a spoken word piece I figured id post it for critique and tbh I never thought about expanding it...thanx for the idea. @vividly vague this was very personal and thanx for noticing that bro. WILL RTF SEND ME LINKS

10-13-2013, 02:57 PM	#6
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	This was dope Inno. The second paragraph connected to me more than the first but the first had its moments too. Especially dug the last line of the first paragraph talking about chasing sleep. Dope. I'd say the flow was spotty for me but that didn't take anything away from this piece imo. The strongest point of this was the personal emotional content, and even if it wasn't personal you made it seem that way. Great job my friend.