The Glorious Strategist

Eŋg · 10-08-2013, 09:14 PM

how you gonna use a word like 'wrought' (not high register vocab but uncommon enough) in your second line after talmbout 'got surprised' in your first line. that wording is straight ass, yo.

tbf... after that and past the middle, it did get better. story was decent if unremarkable and predictable. you force rhymes too much, generally:

believe your gall/see you crawl, taught to survive/caught in a strife -- as with others, i just pulled those from memory and the ether knows i'm not re-reading your verse. rhyme as you like, really, but realise your lack of craft when you put (some of) them together is patent.

wasn't terrible, overall. just didn't enjoy it.

this eloquent vernacular is black enough to break the chains of dracula

10-08-2013, 09:14 PM	#3
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,150 Rep Power: 0	how you gonna use a word like 'wrought' (not high register vocab but uncommon enough) in your second line after talmbout 'got surprised' in your first line. that wording is straight ass, yo. tbf... after that and past the middle, it did get better. story was decent if unremarkable and predictable. you force rhymes too much, generally: believe your gall/see you crawl, taught to survive/caught in a strife -- as with others, i just pulled those from memory and the ether knows i'm not re-reading your verse. rhyme as you like, really, but realise your lack of craft when you put (some of) them together is patent. wasn't terrible, overall. just didn't enjoy it. this eloquent vernacular is black enough to break the chains of dracula