R!canTheoryz vs UNFUKWITABLE - UNFUCKWITABLE WINS

Sn00p · 10-01-2013, 06:41 PM

so un had links in his verse, which is a no-no. it's just such a lazy way of wording. just reference that shit in ur setup. riactions has been done. same as outstanding. theories spaced out feels kinda familiar, but i'll let it slide. best line so far. stomach sharp coulda been pretty dope. again: just say he lost to him in ur setup. that's what the setup's meant for anyways. so yea. wording was lacking, but concept was nice. whysways i didn't like. again, no links. closer was ... eh. idk, the concept was there, but it was so forced and didn't hit because of that. u got some ideas tho. keep at it and the wording will come, which is all u really need.
rican has waaaay too long lines. what u should do is write down the line, try & word it, and then go thru it and delete every. single. word. that's not absolutely needed. makes ya shit much more concise. so yea, opener was a kinda dece concept, but didn't have any impact cuz the punchline was too long. 2nd line was just way too obv. u basically said, 'u have fuck in ur name, but u don't do it'. i've seen u be way more creative than that, so i know u can do better. next line was loooooong. i forgot what it was about when i got to the end. forreal tho, id even k what u're tryna say. reread ur lines. cut words. then read again. and then cut again. this is really ur main problem. next line was decent. wasn't to the point tho. like, what's the diss in there? try and think about what ur concept is and then relate everything in ur bar to that concept. cut the rest. closer was a dece idea, but the wording was all over the place again. that coulda been 'voting for u is a strikt process...it takes forever' or something like that. not saying that's a good flip, but it gets the whole point across with half the words.
sooo. i got un. he had the best line of the battle. stomach sharp was kinda decent too. rican was way too wordy here. made all of his lines fall flat. which is a shame, since he had some decent ideas. but yea. i got un here.
v/unfuk

10-01-2013, 06:41 PM	#16
Sn00p General German Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 1,988 Battle Record: 26-12 Champed - Netcees Battle League (2x) - Line4Line Cypher Tourney - Back2Basics - Fight Night XLVI Rep Power: 15213753	so un had links in his verse, which is a no-no. it's just such a lazy way of wording. just reference that shit in ur setup. riactions has been done. same as outstanding. theories spaced out feels kinda familiar, but i'll let it slide. best line so far. stomach sharp coulda been pretty dope. again: just say he lost to him in ur setup. that's what the setup's meant for anyways. so yea. wording was lacking, but concept was nice. whysways i didn't like. again, no links. closer was ... eh. idk, the concept was there, but it was so forced and didn't hit because of that. u got some ideas tho. keep at it and the wording will come, which is all u really need. rican has waaaay too long lines. what u should do is write down the line, try & word it, and then go thru it and delete every. single. word. that's not absolutely needed. makes ya shit much more concise. so yea, opener was a kinda dece concept, but didn't have any impact cuz the punchline was too long. 2nd line was just way too obv. u basically said, 'u have fuck in ur name, but u don't do it'. i've seen u be way more creative than that, so i know u can do better. next line was loooooong. i forgot what it was about when i got to the end. forreal tho, id even k what u're tryna say. reread ur lines. cut words. then read again. and then cut again. this is really ur main problem. next line was decent. wasn't to the point tho. like, what's the diss in there? try and think about what ur concept is and then relate everything in ur bar to that concept. cut the rest. closer was a dece idea, but the wording was all over the place again. that coulda been 'voting for u is a strikt process...it takes forever' or something like that. not saying that's a good flip, but it gets the whole point across with half the words. sooo. i got un. he had the best line of the battle. stomach sharp was kinda decent too. rican was way too wordy here. made all of his lines fall flat. which is a shame, since he had some decent ideas. but yea. i got un here. v/unfuk