Copperbot

Inno · 09-30-2013, 10:01 AM

cumbersome copperbot
outcasted in halves with the have not's
spread equally amongst vagrants - shame
there is no variant
no golden chariots for the coward lost
only stones and flowered plots
those at odds…copperbot found solace in.
his actions concrete...each choice a solid sin
sure of being unsure he was a master of it
a king of fraud, mastering doctored traits
an offered bait to those who couldn’t afford to wait
a taste so fake, he never believes what he creates
for the poision is yours to intake
looking for shoe ins, always a foot in a foot out
copperbot was clever to deceive his cowardice
those that fell for his lies where left powerless
his shady prowess was ravenous without end
bravery by association, heroism from disengagement
a distant soldier, from a far he fights the war
tending to wounds he never earns…
kicking boots with borrowed spurs
leaving seas of tears and soured shores

cumbersome copperbot no one survives his onslaught
even in after thought his sting lingers along and rots
if you've been burned the flames still scorn
after decades the scars seem like they’ve not worn
a tan that never heels, a chasing pain that never peels
out of tune and out of rhythm with his fellow peers
he plays his instruments to those who dare to hear
laying beside you with your thoughts as his dreams
your wants are his schemes….your life his to redeem
disconnected from those he loves… yet hes a leech
spewing venom with a rhetoric made blasphemous speech
a hazardous creep...
answers to no god…sacrilegious indeed.

His purpose? Creating ignorance in those who lead
Creating barriers for those who are led like sheep
Topping freedom when freedom is abundant
Closing eyes and deeming opening them redundant.

A definition of fear he personifies.
Leaving you broken and cast aside
Choking like breathing in pesticide
A fear of crossing bridges
And getting lost in between the ropes stitching

Do not give in.

zygote · 10-01-2013, 02:54 PM

Enjoyed this one heaps Innovator. The interesting thing about it is the tone of the language, it is kind of naive. E.g., " looking for shoe ins, always a foot in a foot out " the tone was describing this cumbersome copperbot (Robot?) with a kind of simple charm. Perhaps the actual title and the name 'cumbersome' contributes to this effect. Pretty certain it was intentional (like the ending "Do not give in") gives a big clue. Thought you maybe lost that interesting tone a bit towards the end when you started writing about leeches and blasphemous speech. Regardless, it was still nice to read.

Inno · 10-01-2013, 06:17 PM

Thanks, my nigga, zygote

I will return the favor when I get home

Eŋg · 10-08-2013, 10:00 PM

when you put effort into your craft (and maybe even a proofread/a refinement!) i can dig your pseudo-poetry, Pat Benatar.

09-30-2013, 10:01 AM	#1
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,025 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899403	Copperbot cumbersome copperbot outcasted in halves with the have not's spread equally amongst vagrants - shame there is no variant no golden chariots for the coward lost only stones and flowered plots those at odds…copperbot found solace in. his actions concrete...each choice a solid sin sure of being unsure he was a master of it a king of fraud, mastering doctored traits an offered bait to those who couldn’t afford to wait a taste so fake, he never believes what he creates for the poision is yours to intake looking for shoe ins, always a foot in a foot out copperbot was clever to deceive his cowardice those that fell for his lies where left powerless his shady prowess was ravenous without end bravery by association, heroism from disengagement a distant soldier, from a far he fights the war tending to wounds he never earns… kicking boots with borrowed spurs leaving seas of tears and soured shores cumbersome copperbot no one survives his onslaught even in after thought his sting lingers along and rots if you've been burned the flames still scorn after decades the scars seem like they’ve not worn a tan that never heels, a chasing pain that never peels out of tune and out of rhythm with his fellow peers he plays his instruments to those who dare to hear laying beside you with your thoughts as his dreams your wants are his schemes….your life his to redeem disconnected from those he loves… yet hes a leech spewing venom with a rhetoric made blasphemous speech a hazardous creep... answers to no god…sacrilegious indeed. His purpose? Creating ignorance in those who lead Creating barriers for those who are led like sheep Topping freedom when freedom is abundant Closing eyes and deeming opening them redundant. A definition of fear he personifies. Leaving you broken and cast aside Choking like breathing in pesticide A fear of crossing bridges And getting lost in between the ropes stitching Do not give in.

10-01-2013, 02:54 PM	#2
zygote Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 501 Battle Record: 33-12 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Art of Writing League (3x) Rep Power: 737828	Enjoyed this one heaps Innovator. The interesting thing about it is the tone of the language, it is kind of naive. E.g., " looking for shoe ins, always a foot in a foot out " the tone was describing this cumbersome copperbot (Robot?) with a kind of simple charm. Perhaps the actual title and the name 'cumbersome' contributes to this effect. Pretty certain it was intentional (like the ending "Do not give in") gives a big clue. Thought you maybe lost that interesting tone a bit towards the end when you started writing about leeches and blasphemous speech. Regardless, it was still nice to read.

10-01-2013, 06:17 PM	#3
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,025 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899403	Thanks, my nigga, zygote I will return the favor when I get home

10-08-2013, 10:00 PM	#4
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,150 Rep Power: 0	when you put effort into your craft (and maybe even a proofread/a refinement!) i can dig your pseudo-poetry, Pat Benatar.