Week 1 Predictions and Discussion

[Dove Dozer]

Wow, boot me off the mod team for my sons birthday. Wow. Even better, boot me off after y'all say its cool that I'm tied up for a family moment. Ohhh... And don't even talk to me about it..

Disapointing.

Very sad way to treat a team member. Unless I wasn't really to begin with. Smh

[Scripter]

dead man vs UNFUKWITABLE

@dead man
I really liked dead mans attention to detail and the pace of the piece. Your rhyming schemes were very elegant. Although I felt you may have gotten a little off subject, at certain parts.
For me the subject was of a mad scientist looking for specimen for experiments rather than the end of the world approach.

"war & disaster
forming a pattern, much alike historical chapters
but nothing could prepare us for the After.
transmorphism, cancer - blood and bone for dessert
before i was alone in the dirt. homes to be searched
my wife had my cologne in her purse,
that's what caught aflame first,
left her a blackened skull & smoldering earth. fuck.."

I just felt like this was way off subject, although it does rhyme and flow well.

Here is my favorite part of your piece

"ours was district 1. near what used to be Dallas,
there were shelters, elevators, dark, confusion and panic
routines that they had drilled but never put into practice
some trampled, others lost. just the usual madness
it became a competition - who ran through it the fastest"

The tempo seems to elevate here and you can almost feel the panic in the words, this was excellent.
@UNFUKWITABLE

I did like your approach but I believe portraying the character as a psycho seemed a little off in the title. Maybe mad would of been a better word to use? I believe this would of gave you more options as far as explaining the character. Psycho just says he's crazy, but mad may suggest he is just obsessed with a specific thing.
Your piece was wonderful though I just thought it lacked a little bit in direction.

Here is my favorite part because it gives a great description of the picture.
I also enjoyed reading this part very much it seemed to flow so well.

"People assume that I'm crazy, what a misconception
why? because I talk to my tick collection?
or because I separated each insect to a listed section with perfection?
or could it be because I skipped elections"

This for me this was very hard to decide but, I would have voted UNFUKWITABLE because to me he did a better job of capturing the image and describing a story that fits.

P.S.
Also please excuse my absence but I am also a full time college student studying Calculus, doing my senior game project, and reading 200 pages a week in history. I also work two jobs and have 3 kids. I am doing my best to keep up, because I enjoy this site very much. Thanks for your understanding!

[dead man]

For me the subject was of a mad scientist looking for specimen for experiments rather than the end of the world approach.

??????

[Scripter]

I did not mean to offend. I was just stating my opinion. I could be perfectly wrong after all it's about perspective.

[Mike Wrecka]

@Scripter vote on me vs mr. j

[Scripter]

Okay give me a few to read ect...

[dead man]

Originally Posted by Scripter

I did not mean to offend. I was just stating my opinion. I could be perfectly wrong after all it's about perspective.

you are not offending me. you are confusing me. what in the world gave you any inclination of mad scientist looking for specimen from what i wrote?

moreover, how can you formulate your OWN subject for my work and then tell me i'm off subject?

[PancakeBrah]

Scripter please don't vote on any of my topicalz

[Scripter]

Originally Posted by Mike Wrecka

@Scripter vote on me vs mr. j

@Mike Wrecka - I believe you did an excellent job with word play and capturing the image.

I liked this verse the most it seemed to give reason for the torment of the girl in the picture. The flow was also right on point.

"portrayed himself as an angel, but instead of a harp,
carried around inner demons, that would unleash these remarks,
like "give it up already, and you will never be smart",
those phrases resonated, as she wept in the dark,
why say these things? especially the "your dead to me" part,"
@Mr. J - You had some unorthodox lines, but it seemed to work well, I found it interesting.

"seek faith when it's time to leap...
the rain washes away the blood
the waves...wash away the touch
all I gotta say was.....was....love has gotten away once...
but never again, because the spirit shall live eternal
hope is in the words...& they are the lyrics I give birth to
knowing one day, they will give someone pure...hope
this is my only cure...so, i will make sure that you're known..."

Overall I would say that I liked the flow and story line of Mike Wrecka better. The story line just seemed to fit better.

[Scripter]

Originally Posted by PancakeBrah

Scripter please don't vote on any of my topicalz

Some people can't take constructive criticism?

[PancakeBrah]

You lack rudimentary logic

[Zen]

I hate constructive criticism. True story.

[Scripter]

Originally Posted by PancakeBrah

Scripter please don't vote on any of my topicalz

I am sorry I lack what? I thought we were talking about art?

[Zen]

Fuck art, lets dance.

[Scripter]

Originally Posted by Zenland

I hate constructive criticism. True story.

if (canTakeConstructiveCriticism)
{
learnMore = true;
}
else
{
cry && learnMore = false;
}

Solution:

if ( positiveFeed > negitiveFeed)
{
beHappy = true;
}
else
{
positiveFeed++;
}

[Scripter]

Originally Posted by Zenland

Fuck art, lets dance.

[dead man]

Originally Posted by dead man

what in the world gave you any inclination of mad scientist looking for specimen from what i wrote?

moreover, how can you formulate your OWN subject for my work and then tell me i'm off subject?

[Zen]

Originally Posted by Dove Dozer

Wow, boot me off the mod team for my sons birthday. Wow. Even better, boot me off after y'all say its cool that I'm tied up for a family moment. Ohhh... And don't even talk to me about it..

Disapointing.

Very sad way to treat a team member. Unless I wasn't really to begin with. Smh

Damn...It seems like it's been a bad first week for the AOWL but mine has been mostly personal drunkenness and dealing with a break up. It's official this season is cursed. Run for the hills gentleman.

[Dove Dozer]

Agreed. I actually got booted for saying the word "ban".

Maturity level gentlemen. If you don't agree with something someone says, man up and talk to them. Don't just erase them. That's a bitch move. Grow up kids.

[Zen]

Damn. Well idk certain too well but he seems like a great writer, but I respect both you and mike so I won't choose a side. I'm Sweden in this situation