"Cross At Your Suspense (Purgatory)"

Split · 09-30-2013, 06:34 AM

the flow was pretty cool. you broke up words in a way so that they rhymed nicely, which is tough to do.

didnt like bits and pieces.
"for what you see is a glimpse in a sea of whats worse" is overcomplicated.

"grip the underside of unaware slates" idk what that means

"How would one be decided on exit??? neither a treasure, neither a nexus.
Neither a medal to be attached to a necklace... yet both worn and vet us." nonsense?

but the intro had some wicked cool phrases and ideas, and like i said the rhyming shows skill. Looking forward to your writing developing into a more natural, relaxed form

09-30-2013, 06:34 AM	#2
Split . Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 8,898 Battle Record: 27-22 Rep Power: 85899399	the flow was pretty cool. you broke up words in a way so that they rhymed nicely, which is tough to do. didnt like bits and pieces. "for what you see is a glimpse in a sea of whats worse" is overcomplicated. "grip the underside of unaware slates" idk what that means "How would one be decided on exit??? neither a treasure, neither a nexus. Neither a medal to be attached to a necklace... yet both worn and vet us." nonsense? but the intro had some wicked cool phrases and ideas, and like i said the rhyming shows skill. Looking forward to your writing developing into a more natural, relaxed form __________________ http://split8.yolasite.com