shut your face Francis.

veritas · 09-19-2013, 02:11 PM

I love the way these pants fit. Do ants shit? I’m tantric. I want minds to stretch like spandex on Danzig, I plan big. Wig out, wig in, pig out, Pigskin. It’s the season for leaving it all on the field. Never yield or wield the sword of omens in bad faith. Let us see your mad face. Your tongue is white, it’s a bad taste. Skype with ABBA’s band mates, about interracial Klan dates, or stock tips, or landscapes….Lunar. Suit up the losers, soothers, suitors, and users, with Dr. Seuss’s maneuvers. I want particles to participate in the molecular symphony. I want gravity to stop dancing and blame it on an old sports injury. Blissfully expel warm urine on the cold summer snow. Storms purr like an old transistor radio, the Rotted out lukewarm use car salesmen souls in a jar. Make a cameo as a extra in your dream’s barrio dress as super Mario screaming “you got the juice now kid, so we know you’ll go far!” shut your face Francis, no one asked you. Glue tongues to cows so you can taste what beef is. Gaffled your last marbles, so now you know what a thief is, pass the peace pipe, so now you know who the chief is. No one thinks anymore. People think they are thinking, they aint. EXCELSIOR! You catch that bitch winking, but forgot to be a saint. Too much lsd, too much desert, we watched the psychopathic tire faint. Only to rise again from voodoo and who do you get use to the fastest when your ego is tickled? I love all my irony pickled. With a light feta drizzled. Your mind is merely the home of multiple demons, you are not creative. Step into the light and get eradicated. Goldfish Olympics. Toonsis drives you senseless.

Mr. J · 09-19-2013, 02:20 PM

Interesting take on words. a lot of layered meta's and concepts
very braggadocio in a fun format of writing.
typing in paragraph form makes the use of multis more evident
great writing herr in my opinion shows....livelihood

Wise Wiggles · 09-19-2013, 09:57 PM

nice stuff

Fig · 09-19-2013, 10:13 PM

your pieces are as esoteric and cryptic as the other 24 pieces on the front page of the OM, but what differentiates your pieces for me is the sheer syntax. I muse and take away some things, dont get me wrong, but the way you string your words together can always sustain my interest.

PancakeBrah · 09-19-2013, 10:17 PM

I disagree. It's stilted and sterile.

e11even · 09-19-2013, 11:39 PM

out of the box. almost subconsciously visualized, very abstract and fluid yet sorta disconnected from the conscious. nice.

veritas · 09-20-2013, 12:24 AM

I love u guys.

Fig · 09-20-2013, 01:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PancakeBrah

I disagree. It's stilted and sterile.

So's your mom

but you posted this at 7:17 (pt), which is the date of my birthday

so I forgive you, and your mother

Kaeo Seru · 09-20-2013, 08:59 AM

Ehhh. a little too abstract and random for my liking. you had a few lines that were smooth

"Pigskin. It’s the season for leaving it all on the field

I want gravity to stop dancing and blame it on an old sports injury

I love all my irony pickled. With a light feta drizzled."

I felt as though you could have built a more cohesive platform from the foundations of some of these lines. I'm guessing it wasn't your intention but i believe you could have created something more meaningful and concrete. the flow was decent enough. I was constantly interested in seeing where you would take this next. i'll keep an eye out for your next work

veritas · 09-20-2013, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kaeo Seru

Ehhh. a little too abstract and random for my liking. you had a few lines that were smooth

"Pigskin. It’s the season for leaving it all on the field

I want gravity to stop dancing and blame it on an old sports injury

I love all my irony pickled. With a light feta drizzled."

I felt as though you could have built a more cohesive platform from the foundations of some of these lines. I'm guessing it wasn't your intention but i believe you could have created something more meaningful and concrete. the flow was decent enough. I was constantly interested in seeing where you would take this next. i'll keep an eye out for your next work

hey thanks for the feed. I love you bro.

Zen · 09-20-2013, 09:46 AM

This kinda reminds me of the Tree of Life movie with random sequences thrown in at random times and yet they're all interconnected. It's a bit of an unusual topic but very interesting. Kinda reminds me of George Carlin's Modern Man speech as well lol. Either way I enjoyed it V. Keep dropping.

http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=18940
^^Feed here would be mucho appreciated as well.

Frank Metts · 09-21-2013, 08:48 AM

I love the title ...

If im being honest the Rhyme scemes word on point at times , simple at others and too stretched once in awhile ( this could be trying to read in paragraph form though )

Loved the danzig reference , most prob don't get it or don't know who glen danzig is ..

The subtleness was summed up best by irony with feta drizzled... old sports injury sounds very familiar, I'm just trying to put two and two together but my feeble mind just can't

I read and didn't hate it

Ghost1 · 09-21-2013, 09:01 AM

Ur abstract approach felt labored & mechanical to the point of conformity.

Dope girl · 09-21-2013, 11:59 AM

This was interesting to me, Unique rhymes.

Zombie · 09-21-2013, 12:26 PM

You should write while listening to an orchestra. Maybe it'll mellow things out.

veritas · 09-21-2013, 02:02 PM

Ok I love you.

dull boy · 09-21-2013, 03:02 PM

lol... I feel like this entire piece and your replies in the thread are satirical.

veritas · 09-21-2013, 06:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dull boy

lol... I feel like this entire piece and your replies in the thread are satirical.

How so wack demon?

09-19-2013, 02:20 PM	#2
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,033 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349679	Interesting take on words. a lot of layered meta's and concepts very braggadocio in a fun format of writing. typing in paragraph form makes the use of multis more evident great writing herr in my opinion shows....livelihood __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

09-19-2013, 09:57 PM	#3
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,507 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788019	nice stuff __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

09-19-2013, 10:13 PM	#4
Fig Om Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 6,473 Battle Record: 8-16 Rep Power: 84181559	your pieces are as esoteric and cryptic as the other 24 pieces on the front page of the OM, but what differentiates your pieces for me is the sheer syntax. I muse and take away some things, dont get me wrong, but the way you string your words together can always sustain my interest. __________________ BIRDHORSE 8-15

09-19-2013, 10:17 PM	#5
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 13,052 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899406	I disagree. It's stilted and sterile. __________________ If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me?

09-19-2013, 11:39 PM	#6
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247256	out of the box. almost subconsciously visualized, very abstract and fluid yet sorta disconnected from the conscious. nice. __________________ Ahem.

09-20-2013, 08:59 AM	#9
Kaeo Seru Keeper Of The Fresh Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Mayhem Gardens Posts: 84 Rep Power: 33	Ehhh. a little too abstract and random for my liking. you had a few lines that were smooth "Pigskin. It’s the season for leaving it all on the field I want gravity to stop dancing and blame it on an old sports injury I love all my irony pickled. With a light feta drizzled." I felt as though you could have built a more cohesive platform from the foundations of some of these lines. I'm guessing it wasn't your intention but i believe you could have created something more meaningful and concrete. the flow was decent enough. I was constantly interested in seeing where you would take this next. i'll keep an eye out for your next work __________________

09-20-2013, 09:46 AM	#11
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,104 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079719	This kinda reminds me of the Tree of Life movie with random sequences thrown in at random times and yet they're all interconnected. It's a bit of an unusual topic but very interesting. Kinda reminds me of George Carlin's Modern Man speech as well lol. Either way I enjoyed it V. Keep dropping. http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=18940 ^^Feed here would be mucho appreciated as well.

09-21-2013, 08:48 AM	#12
Frank Metts Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 2,622 Battle Record: 0-1 Rep Power: 2305786	I love the title ... If im being honest the Rhyme scemes word on point at times , simple at others and too stretched once in awhile ( this could be trying to read in paragraph form though ) Loved the danzig reference , most prob don't get it or don't know who glen danzig is .. The subtleness was summed up best by irony with feta drizzled... old sports injury sounds very familiar, I'm just trying to put two and two together but my feeble mind just can't I read and didn't hate it

09-21-2013, 11:59 AM	#14
Dope girl Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: I live in Florida Posts: 4,707 Battle Record: 3-8 Rep Power: 55521416	This was interesting to me, Unique rhymes.

09-21-2013, 12:26 PM	#15
Zombie Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 125 Battle Record: 5-0 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 2645337	You should write while listening to an orchestra. Maybe it'll mellow things out.

09-21-2013, 03:02 PM	#17
dull boy consults Lloyd Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 4,075 Battle Record: 0-8 Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast Rep Power: 39345601	lol... I feel like this entire piece and your replies in the thread are satirical.