When Under The Influence Leads To Totally Wasted

[Exis]

Is you frightened of death?
'cause I'm never worried when it's likely to end
I live my life on the edge at break neck speed
'til above my grave text reads - 'He was as wild as they get'
I see visions of me drivin' unbelted while I'm high upon meth
and have voices sayin' you can try and prevent it
yet tonight I must mention you will die in a wreck
yo my mind is a mess, the signs in the distance are blurry
swervin' over the bitumens lines all content
gettin' lifted with a whip at one thirty
and half closed eyes in my head
with no more sight in them left
just two slits that can hurt me amidst the blindness possessed
unaware of the surroundings I'm found in and how much time 'til I rest
I collide with a fence, my body's thrown thru the windshield
it's so violently met like a shottys blown off my limbs
mowed down my thin build,
as my postures now minced meat for some cows on a hicks field.

[Certain]

I liked that this piece told a story through a metaphor, never loosening from either. The rhymes were the strongest part, but the phrasing was really cool in some parts, too.

'cause I'm never worried when it's likely to end
I live my life on the edge at break neck speed
'til above my grave text reads - 'He was as wild as they get'

The double-rhyme scheme and the idea of a headstone saying that came across well. But more importantly, you moved away from the cliché quickly after that line.

Better diction would have helped in a few places, particularly with the very weak opening line, but I thought the simplicity also carried with it some of the vibe of drunkenness.

[CopyPat]

how does this have one response. man u are under appreciated lol... its probly due to ur older persona on the old nc's and rf, that cocky dude acting hard and rapping hard. i think u have waaaaaaaay more rhyming skill than people are giving u credit for. like i said man i've always liked reading ur shit cause ur schemes are sneaky good. u always throw in something unexpected.. running the duel scheme in the middle with the: distance are blurry whip at 130 shit is NOT easy, but u did it smoooooth as fuck so props there. Also props for doing something different man haha. u didn't act tough in this one!!!! hahhaa. no this turned out dope. was good to see another side from you. good imagery in here, obviously the rhyming/scheming itself was sick. and this content was alot more real from u, good shit. seemed way more authentic

[Exis]

Originally Posted by CopyPat

how does this have one response. man u are under appreciated lol... its probly due to ur older persona on the old nc's and rf, that cocky dude acting hard and rapping hard. i think u have waaaaaaaay more rhyming skill than people are giving u credit for.

.

Thanks fam...and yeah I really don't care if people like me or what I drop tbh, so be it.Always appreciate what you have to say when it comes to feedback tho...yours and a few other heads is all I care for...I'll get at pieces y'all are both involved in when I'm able too.

[Vulgar]

Pretty raw little keystyle. I felt like you picked up steam in the middle and sent it off respectably. Cool verse @Exis.

[Kaeo Seru]

Another RF refugee. glad to see you made it here fam. this is Legend aka Mr.Write btw. this was great for how short it was. the flow was nicely paced and the overall imagery was great for what it was. and the pace of the scene driven was smooth and unrushed yet speedy. it just felt right. we should collab and soon my friend.