WK1: Coup (0-0) VS. ZenLand (0-0) [ZENLAND WINS, 7-0.]

[Split]

Verses are due Thursday 2/14 at 11:59 PST

Check-in's are not required, but if you do not check you will NOT be granted an extension.

Extensions are to be granted by the opponent before the deadline, and for 24 hours ONLY

You must vote on 3 other battles and post links. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.


Topic:



Good luck!

@Coup @ZenLand

[Coup]

king me

[Zen]

How many lines @Coup

[Coup]

let's meet in the middle and cap it at 24

[Zen]

Sounds good

[Zen]

Here's my crazy ass interpretation of that picture haha

Auschwitz

My visions blurred, I been livin absurd since the sinning's occurred
I'm just waitin at the train station tryin to give it a word
Or a name for my sorrows, Just tryin to maintain to tomorrow
Things are sure to change if I get a cure or brain to borrow
Because my mind's blown, It seems that my time's gone
I spend most my nights starin as the light's shine on
Through my darkness, I don't choose to be heartless
But the worlds got me chewed up and bruised up destined to lose before I start this
Track called life, Because it turns out I'm burned out and lack all rights
It seems I'm stuck in a dream searchin for facts all night
To find a purpose, Because it feels like behind the surface
I'm just a robot that knows not but mindless service
I don't think my kind deserves this as I stand in line for the furnace
No time for courage, Those runnin and gunnin are the reasons why they burn us
So don't cause a ruckus, Maybe they'll exhaust their bloodlust
And pause and love us before they release this holocaust upon us
But I gotta embrace the song because at the pace we're on we'll be erased before long
Till we're all locked up and shot up and our race is gone
And wiped from memory, Then again til then we'll spend our lives in misery
Nobody's tryin to hear me and my pleads as my brother dies as he lies near me
Because their murder in conjuction with their plans leads to further construction
Of genocide til the tide brings about utter destruction
Til we can't survive, As I've spent all this time tryin to stay alive
Is when I focus and notice that my trains arrived...

[Coup]

I was, I am.


I was the pundit of urban table scraps
An arbitrary tenor of little bad battle raps
Blew ratty-tat yayo bags, wired in rabbi pants
Had aqua lines bloom bonsai fruit with apple-jax
If words were flora man, I'd harvest one jungle plant
Rooting the old self fam, an artist bud with pastel plans

Now today I occupy this table chair in agony
My back turned away against life so anti me
My rib cage is unable to sigh a word to speak
It's stiff outside, hot inside in my chest oblique
Serpent soul in fits of nostalgia needing priest
Cobra eyes left dead in that belly of his feast

The old me is behind, under the locust moon
I look forward to the dawn chorus raising ruin
I'll pop the train for 16, a hot & ready spaghetti hop
On one dollar menu sold rotty-shot up in Acme lot
Trailing this train to sustain my inner sickness stint
To where it breaks, clinic my cancer in an instant hit

The future is set and I want to blur the past
Free bird flying to where the multis do multitask
Under a zenith sun in the land of sleeping giants
Battle the sleeping greats. Me the topical migrant
Now I have my shot, so I thought at least then
The truth they soon told me, was that I slept on them

[Camp Bell]

both drops were very entertaining. but as far as the pic goes and the direction each writer took. id have to go with Zen on this as having the more enjoyable verse that described the pic as he saw it with better imagery and story line. i felt coup verse was ok but it just gave me the feel that even he didnt really know where he wanted to take this. Its almost as if this was meant for a different topic. great job to both yall tho.

vote: Zen.

[Nigma]

Hello friends.

Coup - You seemed to play it safe in terms of rhyme scheme, was sort of simplistic but you at the same time you had your own unique twist to it. There were portions of the verse that were correlating nicely with the picture and other parts where you strayed away from it a bit. In terms of depicting the picture, I feel the second stanza was the strongest, however picture aside my favourite portion was the last stanza, especially the zenith sun line.

Zen - I felt you clearly had the more elaborate rhyme scheme here. Content was pretty bumping as well. The imagery you used meshed very well with the picture and your abstract conceptual idea here made it a very enjoyable read.

Both had a good week one showing but here can only be one Highlander
Voting Zen

[Mike Wrecka]

cool battle

zen - . your opening bar was dope. you had the better rhyme scheme. an unexpected take on the topic. seemed like a stretch at first but in the end it lent itself well to the picture, and you delivered a strong verse about someone in the midst of the holocaust. i think it was a good idea. solid fundamentals displayed throughout

coup- you had some crazy ideas and verbiage mixed in. but i feel like you didn't really take the picture to its full potential. the verse was a little too simplistic for my liking. you showed that you have the skill to construct a more complex rhyme scheme. you just didn't do it. I would have liked to see more multis and inner rhymes.

overall good battle. props to both. enjoyable reads. but i got

vote = Zenland

takin this rather easily with the much better concept

[Split]

ZenLand. You did a good job capturing the feeling behind the picture, incorporating the person's stance as well as the Blur of the passing train into metaphors. The conclusion was pretty strong, it ended the story on a literal and figurative level, pretty cool. Rhyming was nice throughout, wasn't a super tight rhyme scheme but it flowed well and you had good imagery

Coup. Was that imagery in your opener describing the colors of the speeding train? I thought that was neat, it's just how I interpreted it. Many of the following lines start off seemingly strong, but end in a way the idea gets lost on me. Imagery overload. No doubt it was lyrically sound and very creative, but the story itself was weak to me. The end was cool, but confused me more than it clarified things for me.

I think these two writers each showcased their abilities well, but Coup's actual verse did not leave the lasting impression that Zen's did. I enjoyed both pieces, but ZenLand is the clear winner to me. Good battle, great way to start the league off

[Geno]

Cool battle.

Zenland held it down with a dope concept of what the picture had to offerin a fairly obvious way. Good structure, nothing really off the wall crazy as far as content was concerned. I mean pretty much just held a smooth flow with solid ideas that connected well to the piece. Went in the sort of direction I probably would have gone with this pic

Coupe
Thought you went a little more abstract and didn't exactly grasp the picture as full on. What you had were some pretty nice ideas that really.. to me, could have been about a lot of things other than this pic. Not to nitpick about not relating to your picture to much.. but also found some of you lines to be awkward in structure/format.. seemed a little off at times. Can't say I disliked your piece. Thought you did your thing, I just wasn't as fond of it as I was zenland. Enjoyed what you brought though sr. Work on relativity.

This was really close battle honestly, and my breakdowns may suck a little in this battle -sorry for that.

Bottom line though. I felt zenlands more "direct" display of ability to connect to his image hit harder this week than coupes abstract and perhaps more imaginative concepts did.

Vote -zen

[Inno]

zen

expected the traiun aspect of your piece to be i nthere somewhere lol but the holocaust angle?...very creative man points for takin the leap shit hat usually doenst work out to well for most lol..you pulled it off nicely man..so no matter how obscure it is..your words fit the picture to the T. it almost feels like your remember the horror and its so real that you get lost in your thought. great imagery man, simply dope. your scheme was simple but tbh it was dope man, i mean it flowed perfect and your imagery was dam near real lol..

coup

this felt like you where narrative...it had that type of feel to it..its good thing it makes it feel easy to find the message..in my headi t felt like it was being told to me lol. usually its me. anyway your opening verse is on point man you had every in that shit. great imagery a dope flow and ood rhyming. kicked off the piece in the riht direction. towards the middle it got a bit to abstract like you strayed from the story a bit..mechanically this was onpoint through out..seems like you slipped a little in the middle..ending was a good closer.


overall

the difference between these to verse is zen wrote something that came to life as far as the story goes..while it felt like coup had that narrative tone to it. a little more laid back, while zen dropped imo a risky piece that seemed ot work out for him. to be honest as im typing this i keep repeating the last like from zenz verse. i mean it just fit perectly. he gave a resolution to the picture...no pun intended. coups verse was dope as fuck, this just came down to which one linger a bit more.

vote zen

[Geno]

Up. Votes

[Frank]

Vote.

Decent battle. First week, I see shit I like already. Zen lad you play the surface and you need to dig deeper a little. Give your material more substance and some of your ideas more thought. Do not think in run on sentence form. Stop and pause and evaluate. What should I say now to connect more with the main idea? can I create bridges , metaphors between a speeding train and the holocaust? I saw the word 'conjunction' but I wasn't convinced that was intentional. You may have hated my structure but I had one. Work on creating an arch in your pieces. Start them, segway them, finale them. Conclude them. Insync them. Do not just write to write. Actually try and fully portray something instead of going line to line with no real direction, like a speeding train into a foggy abyss. Slow down and try and make some sense of it all. Coup... Interesting way with words, first couple lines I thought were rather unique. Had a corky flair that was appealing to me. I thought it sounded like some raekwon shit. Thing with raekwon is he's skilled in the abstract sense, he can put words together that make cats sound stupid for having missed that. This was clear jibberish that didn't transend that barrier or make me second guess your intellect. In my mind, I am always progressing., so yes me doing my progession is highly intentional. Never get stuck saying nothing, keep it moving coherently. overall this is the first week so I don't know. I am not fully sold on either writer as of yet. See how they unfold. Vote - Zenland for his wild attempt at a holocaust train blurr.

[King Ra.]

ZENLAND WINS, 7-0.