**Labor day Freewrite**

[Certain]

This was exactly what I needed to read as I'm drunk and contemplating loneliness. See, even togetherness kind of sucks! The words fit together really well. My favorite part was describing an idyllic world: "Baudelaire, picket fence, kids with disease." I fucking love Baudelaire. I love kids with disease as a concept of happiness wrapped in sadness.

The fragmentation in the closing was more effective because it felt earned. I think a stronger opening couplet would have served this piece well, though, because it doesn't firmly establish narration or motivation or mood or much of anything. There's something to be said for working your way into a verse, but you definitely didn't grab me by the balls until the fourth line. It felt sort of generic up until that point. Then it started to take hold.

I enjoyed it. It was short, and it felt short, but it felt like it said a lot anyway.

[Matriarch]

Originally Posted by Certain

This was exactly what I needed to read as I'm drunk and contemplating loneliness. See, even togetherness kind of sucks! The words fit together really well. My favorite part was describing an idyllic world: "Baudelaire, picket fence, kids with disease." I fucking love Baudelaire. I love kids with disease as a concept of happiness wrapped in sadness.

The fragmentation in the closing was more effective because it felt earned. I think a stronger opening couplet would have served this piece well, though, because it doesn't firmly establish narration or motivation or mood or much of anything. There's something to be said for working your way into a verse, but you definitely didn't grab me by the balls until the fourth line. It felt sort of generic up until that point. Then it started to take hold.

I enjoyed it. It was short, and it felt short, but it felt like it said a lot anyway.

Thank you, friend.

Link me to your work and i will be sure to hit it up.