fly me to the moon

Fig · 08-26-2013, 09:57 PM

Hey there's some nice imagery in here.

My main problem with the piece is this... the storytelling, writing, wording and all that were all good, except at the end, where did you leave the reader? All of a sudden this sick baby was a grown being experiencing this social angst that didn't feel real, because there was no real time to grow with him. He kinda just wanted to die at the end

With that said, I do like the piece. The writing was exceptional, but I feel like it didn't lead anywhere in the long run

08-26-2013, 09:57 PM	#1
Fig Om Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 6,461 Battle Record: 8-16 Rep Power: 84181562	Hey there's some nice imagery in here. My main problem with the piece is this... the storytelling, writing, wording and all that were all good, except at the end, where did you leave the reader? All of a sudden this sick baby was a grown being experiencing this social angst that didn't feel real, because there was no real time to grow with him. He kinda just wanted to die at the end With that said, I do like the piece. The writing was exceptional, but I feel like it didn't lead anywhere in the long run __________________ BIRDHORSE 8-15 Last edited by Fig; 08-27-2013 at 01:36 AM.