A Touch of Gray

PancakeBrah · 08-23-2013, 12:23 PM

Stop speaking Spanish faggots, this is murca. And I disagree that this was a positive love piece in any way. It was heartfelt but in the worst way, filled with nostalgia and conflict. The key dichotomy of the piece is found in the last couplet of the first verse and the last couplet of the entire piece. The end of the first verse conveys being resigned to defeat, like the edge of the cliff, that final moment of a nominally finished relationship wherein the still present emotion gives way to reality and defeat, forlorn as it is. And the end of the piece is a reflection on the relationship as a whole, how ugly it was but its ugly is better than the malaise of being without it. So the central conflict is he's giving himself closure while reminiscing/giving into false nostalgia. At least that's how I read it. Could be wrong. The verse was beautifully written and technically sound. The only rhyme I felt was forced was broken frame. Broken seems to generic and brash for such a nostalgia anti-tribute. Picking nits of course. The nature motif in the hands of an amateur could have been corny or cliche but you handled it with much aplomb.

Thoroughly enjoyed.

08-23-2013, 12:23 PM	#12
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	Stop speaking Spanish faggots, this is murca. And I disagree that this was a positive love piece in any way. It was heartfelt but in the worst way, filled with nostalgia and conflict. The key dichotomy of the piece is found in the last couplet of the first verse and the last couplet of the entire piece. The end of the first verse conveys being resigned to defeat, like the edge of the cliff, that final moment of a nominally finished relationship wherein the still present emotion gives way to reality and defeat, forlorn as it is. And the end of the piece is a reflection on the relationship as a whole, how ugly it was but its ugly is better than the malaise of being without it. So the central conflict is he's giving himself closure while reminiscing/giving into false nostalgia. At least that's how I read it. Could be wrong. The verse was beautifully written and technically sound. The only rhyme I felt was forced was broken frame. Broken seems to generic and brash for such a nostalgia anti-tribute. Picking nits of course. The nature motif in the hands of an amateur could have been corny or cliche but you handled it with much aplomb. Thoroughly enjoyed.