Week 4 - Red Glare vs Nigma - N WINS

Pinot Grij · 08-18-2013, 12:32 PM

Nigma, your verse left me the most confounded of all this week. I honestly read it through like 5, 6, 7 times trying to pick up what I felt I was missing. Don't get me wrong, your actual verse wasn't missing anything, it may be because I'm hungover but I had a hard time dealing with how this guy just left this woman to die without any real kind of explanation. In terms of rhyming ability, you merced it obviously... I think another voter critiqued the end rhymes, but I like that kind of play - where its not necessarily done from a lack of ability, but a certain rhyme that purposely jerks you out of the lull of the scheme to force you back into the piece. Your scheme was ridiculous and for me one of the most technical displays this week. So I'm sitting here trying to see what I'm missing and look back at the title... "Hung Jury". Then it clicks, at least for me, I start to see the difference between his feelings towards blood/adopted relatives... male and female.. life and death... good and bad people... for me, maybe I'm reading too much into it, but there were so many binaries at play here... the very things that keep people from taking definitive stances on tough decisions. Hence, Hung Jury. That's what I got out of it, or saw in it. Thanks for making me think.

Red Mist... this is a very inventive topical concept. Very descriptive... you rhyme to keep your piece together, but it doesn't seem forced... at least less forced than usual. The payoff for me wasn't what I wanted it to be... I think once you got to the formula in your verse it kind of fell apart for me, the story didn't stick as well. I don't know if there's any kind of technical feedback I can give you in terms of improvement because your style is so unique, but I just think the story lost me in the end. Also, I have a schoolboy crush on Nigma's verse.

Vote for Nigma

08-18-2013, 12:32 PM	#10
Pinot Grij Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 863 Battle Record: 23-19 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night 2 - Write Week V - Netcees Battle League (2x) - Winter Topical II - 1-2 Punch league Rep Power: 29195064	Nigma, your verse left me the most confounded of all this week. I honestly read it through like 5, 6, 7 times trying to pick up what I felt I was missing. Don't get me wrong, your actual verse wasn't missing anything, it may be because I'm hungover but I had a hard time dealing with how this guy just left this woman to die without any real kind of explanation. In terms of rhyming ability, you merced it obviously... I think another voter critiqued the end rhymes, but I like that kind of play - where its not necessarily done from a lack of ability, but a certain rhyme that purposely jerks you out of the lull of the scheme to force you back into the piece. Your scheme was ridiculous and for me one of the most technical displays this week. So I'm sitting here trying to see what I'm missing and look back at the title... "Hung Jury". Then it clicks, at least for me, I start to see the difference between his feelings towards blood/adopted relatives... male and female.. life and death... good and bad people... for me, maybe I'm reading too much into it, but there were so many binaries at play here... the very things that keep people from taking definitive stances on tough decisions. Hence, Hung Jury. That's what I got out of it, or saw in it. Thanks for making me think. Red Mist... this is a very inventive topical concept. Very descriptive... you rhyme to keep your piece together, but it doesn't seem forced... at least less forced than usual. The payoff for me wasn't what I wanted it to be... I think once you got to the formula in your verse it kind of fell apart for me, the story didn't stick as well. I don't know if there's any kind of technical feedback I can give you in terms of improvement because your style is so unique, but I just think the story lost me in the end. Also, I have a schoolboy crush on Nigma's verse. Vote for Nigma __________________ Topical C.R.E.A.M.