Week 1 - Flo Real vs TopicalDood5 - TopicalDood5 Wins

Pent uP · 07-27-2013, 07:07 PM

Flo -- lmfao@the end....that shit made me crack a smile. I was struggling to read some of this because of grammar, spelling and wording. Also some of your end rhymes were a little off putting. I liked the idea of a weird "land" or "area" like this - shit like this is cool and gives the writer a lot of creative room to breathe - but I dont feel like you really painted the landscape. I feel like you just put a bunch of animals on a blank canvass and it felt boring.

Topical -- for such a short verse it was had a lot of impact. Very simple idea attacked very specifically. I appreciated how you approached the topic. The writers voice felt very mature - observing and describing this woman's trek through singledom. I really dont have much to say...possibly the best verse of this week.

vote - topical

07-27-2013, 07:07 PM	#13
Pent uP Robin Williams of Fallen Victims Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 1,499 Battle Record: 25-11 Accomplishments - NC Hall of Fame Champed - Netcees Writers League (2x) - NWL Season 1 - Write Night I - Art of Writing League (2x) - Write Week IV Rep Power: 6862275	Flo -- lmfao@the end....that shit made me crack a smile. I was struggling to read some of this because of grammar, spelling and wording. Also some of your end rhymes were a little off putting. I liked the idea of a weird "land" or "area" like this - shit like this is cool and gives the writer a lot of creative room to breathe - but I dont feel like you really painted the landscape. I feel like you just put a bunch of animals on a blank canvass and it felt boring. Topical -- for such a short verse it was had a lot of impact. Very simple idea attacked very specifically. I appreciated how you approached the topic. The writers voice felt very mature - observing and describing this woman's trek through singledom. I really dont have much to say...possibly the best verse of this week. vote - topical Last edited by Pent uP; 07-27-2013 at 07:11 PM.