Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Forum > Open Mic Section

User Tag List

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-08-2013, 08:26 PM   #1
Mr. J
The Clown Prince
 
Mr. J's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,046
Battle Record: 35-45


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 59349682
Mr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant future
Default Now....SIT YOUR ASS DOWN

Part of the history, the misery in their eyes
I can hear it in their cries, I filtered their demise
captured it on film, then sold it, scripted it like...
like it was in my position to sit & listen to the lies
I'm, on a mission to enterprise
build up my position, then live in the sky
if you are against it, you're missing the surprise
just look at them, those instruments of mine
as they follow, react to the submission
admit it, all that they are missing is some pri-de
how could they go on living, dismissing it tonight?
because their actions are the same, they sat and they praised
they clapped and they raised their glasses to say?
"Congratulations! I'm glad it happened this way"
they were so happy, til' they banned it and they prayed
that no other could reenact this apraise
I'm surprised that they created factions for it today
that most don't see the actions they create
they sat, watched, and fastened their complaints
stayed strapped in, & left their imagination to play
but never sought truth
you got to...be kidding I solved you
I broke you down then bought you
sent you out, took what you had so you could....watch...you...
I'm so thoughtful, so great you are so obtuse
the angle I been coming at would surely awaken and haunt you
break the support that your own perception has brought you
I'm sorry for this broadcast & all I forgot to...
do...but I'm here now, and all I really want is you...
to realize the depiction is all about lost truths
keeping your change in dreams like a lost tooth
a hunger for more, til' you couldn't chomp through
to the point all you feel is a need for an apostle
a God to, awaken you again and take all you fought through
forgive you when all you had was....Shocked views...
let the screen replay it for you...
because after the shows over....I'll still adore you
__________________
.....laugh....and the world laughs with you

Last edited by Mr. J; 11-08-2013 at 08:31 PM.
Mr. J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2013, 08:35 PM   #2
Geno
White Earl
 
Geno's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Philly Cat.
Posts: 12,354
Battle Record: 10-15

Accomplishments
- Open Mic HOF (4x)

Champed
- Netcees Writers League
- Write Week I
- Write Week 8

Rep Power: 50036761
Geno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant future
Send a message via AIM to Geno
Default

Dope shit. Your transitions are pretty slick these days. Worked out a lot of glitches in your wording and your syllable matching to.. from what I can remember anyway. Seems more smooth now, imo. Good read here (
__________________
-A.bove T.he R.est
Geno is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2013, 10:13 PM   #3
Wise Wiggles
nok Su kow
 
Wise Wiggles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,505
Battle Record: 1-1



Rep Power: 51788022
Wise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant future
Default

it kept me reading and intrigued. good show, sir.
__________________
"black as midnight..black as pitch
blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"
Wise Wiggles is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2013, 10:34 PM   #4
Mr. J
The Clown Prince
 
Mr. J's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,046
Battle Record: 35-45


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 59349682
Mr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant future
Default

I almost called it George Romero but would that be too obvious?
__________________
.....laugh....and the world laughs with you
Mr. J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-11-2013, 12:26 AM   #5
Mr. J
The Clown Prince
 
Mr. J's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,046
Battle Record: 35-45


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 59349682
Mr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant future
Default

It was only a shortcut
__________________
.....laugh....and the world laughs with you
Mr. J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-11-2013, 05:18 PM   #6
Objective
( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
 
Objective's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,868
Battle Record: 17-32



Rep Power: 52474192
Objective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant future
Default

Enjoyed the read. Dope flow and a natural progression of your piece until the closure came along and I found myself nodding to the shit you were saying. Keep postin'!
__________________
I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o
Objective is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-14-2013, 12:54 AM   #7
Mr. J
The Clown Prince
 
Mr. J's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,046
Battle Record: 35-45


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 59349682
Mr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant future
Default

Its all in the execution
__________________
.....laugh....and the world laughs with you
Mr. J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-14-2013, 05:58 PM   #8
BWHAHA
Sophomore Member
 
BWHAHA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 176




Rep Power: 4754293
BWHAHA has a brilliant futureBWHAHA has a brilliant futureBWHAHA has a brilliant futureBWHAHA has a brilliant futureBWHAHA has a brilliant futureBWHAHA has a brilliant futureBWHAHA has a brilliant futureBWHAHA has a brilliant futureBWHAHA has a brilliant futureBWHAHA has a brilliant futureBWHAHA has a brilliant future
Default

decent execution. that's probably what this verse outlines, an execution in transitional rhyme stanza. which is ok, to me. the lines were a little short for my taste, preferably dishing out a bit more by saying less would be the perfect compliment or advice here, though i seek to give the former.
BWHAHA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-27-2013, 12:55 PM   #9
Mr. J
The Clown Prince
 
Mr. J's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,046
Battle Record: 35-45


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 59349682
Mr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant future
Default

Werd
__________________
.....laugh....and the world laughs with you
Mr. J is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:38 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2025 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+