WEEK 9: Destroyer 5-3 VS Username 4-3 USER WINS

[UserName]

Bro, your head’s getting clowned for it’s shape
That thing looks like the spoon Finny’s been cooking on since 2008
You old fuck, I've got something biblical on the docket
First I'll dead you, then eat EVERY Werther's Original in your pocket
Senile ass, but if we’re honest, I will murder this elf
If I told you to act your age, this picture would be an urn on a shelf
Des hates his own race, and he’s been whining for years
Can’t even go grey in peace, he thinks whites are gentrifying his beard
Orbital is JACKED, the one to the right of his snout's worse
That I's been at the center of a punch more than any in Scout's verse
But one move or a squirm and I am shooting this worm
Lookin’ like Mr. Clean, dead for 30 years after losing to germs
Someone sent me this pic, but really went the drastic route
Cuz Des’ been dead for years, his girl just photoshops the casket out

[fraze]

Originally Posted by Destroyer

text prowess, calorie intake, even his foot size won
this guy dwarfs me in every category but mostly cuz he literally looks like one
like this. i had i similar orc bar last week, but i like the way you set this up
we need to get u help bro. forget about bars. this shit’s drastic
when ur friends tell u to ‘kick the hobbit’ it ain’t cuz they got British accents
this is ok
and the ones who stay silent have done bro a disgrace
like some kind of dyslexic aero... he’s taken a bilbo to the face...
not really a fan of this
gunbars won’t work on u. need eye of newt and a battle-honed axe
i dont want to smoke u, i want to whittle a pipe that looks like u and just smoke that
cool idea. don't like the way you angled the punch. doesn't hit to me
go in on days off to shell out cells to switch from a home phone
u get called into work??? it’s cuz some kid just wished on a snow globe
this could have been cool if setup different. nice idea, but this is light to me
my home you’ll find lego-less cuz i cant stand stepping on the shit in bare feet
in ur home u find Legolas, because u two fought side by side at Helm’s Deep.
this is funny enough to work
des got a wife, true, but keeps a mistress and a girl for weekend cheating
user stays with three hos too, but only cuz it’s how he gives season’s greetings
this is ok. kinda light. kinda cool

Quotes: dwarfs me, kick the hobbit, Legolas, three hos
Close: whittle a pipe, snow globe

Nice verse. Didn't like bilbo but the rest were all nice concepts. Your wording was on point for most of the verse. Some of the LoTR references felt overboard after a while but you were working with the pic you had. Enjoyed the read, keep it up man.

Originally Posted by UserName

Bro, your head’s getting clowned for it’s shape
That thing looks like the spoon Finny’s been cooking on since 2008
i get the concept, but not the personal so this is a little light to me. still ok
You old fuck, I've got something biblical on the docket
First I'll dead you, then eat EVERY Werther's Original in your pocket
this is funny and mean. good recipe for a bar.
Senile ass, but if we’re honest, I will murder this elf
If I told you to act your age, this picture would be an urn on a shelf
something is off to me about the wording but still nice
Des hates his own race, and he’s been whining for years
Can’t even go grey in peace, he thinks whites are gentrifying his beard
kinda funny, kinda light. extra points for creativity tho
Orbital is JACKED, the one to the right of his snout's worse
That I's been at the center of a punch more than any in Scout's verse
not really a fan
But one move or a squirm and I am shooting this worm
Lookin’ like Mr. Clean, dead for 30 years after losing to germs
get the concept but 'losing to germs' doesn't do enough to make this hit to me.
Someone sent me this pic, but really went the drastic route
Cuz Des’ been dead for years, his girl just photoshops the casket out
kinda funny. kinda statementish

Quotes: Finny's spoon, werther's original, act your age, gentrifying
Close: Mr. Clean, casket

You focus on humor in your bars, which can be hit or miss I guess depending on the reader. You aren't really using a lot of word play or flips, most of your punches are observational, so if the humor doesn't carry it, some lines fall flat. That said, you're probably the funniest writer on the site, so it doesn't usually matter, you make it work.

Vote: Destroyer Battle is exactly even on quotes/mentions so tie break is basically just who's verse I'm feeling more. I'm usually not a huge destro fan b/c of his wording but that wasn't an issue this week. Verse focused mostly on the dwarf/santa angle so it loses a little on creativity to users. I also usually like UserName's style, his wording is always smooth and he's funny as fuck. But some of the concepts were a little on the simpler side this week. It felt like User fell off more in the second half of his verse, so I'm giving Des a slight edge for consistency. Good battle on both sides tho.

[iSpaz]

text prowess, calorie intake, even his foot size won
this guy dwarfs me in every category but mostly cuz he literally looks like one
my home you’ll find lego-less cuz i cant stand stepping on the shit in bare feet
in ur home u find Legolas, because u two fought side by side at Helm’s Deep.

Vs


Senile ass, but if we’re honest, I will murder this elf
If I told you to act your age, this picture would be an urn on a shelf
Des hates his own race, and he’s been whining for years
Can’t even go grey in peace, he thinks whites are gentrifying his beard
Orbital is JACKED, the one to the right of his snout's worse
That I's been at the center of a punch more than any in Scout's verse
Someone sent me this pic, but really went the drastic route
Cuz Des’ been dead for years, his girl just photoshops the casket out

V/user in a close one. The dwarf angle was cool but got repetitive quick

[Wanderer]

text prowess, calorie intake, even his foot size won
this guy dwarfs me in every category but mostly cuz he literally looks like one
Lol, he does. ok
we need to get u help bro. forget about bars. this shit’s drastic
when ur friends tell u to ‘kick the hobbit’ it ain’t cuz they got British accents
This doesn’t work
and the ones who stay silent have done bro a disgrace
like some kind of dyslexic aero... he’s taken a bilbo to the face...
LOL it gets a pass because it’s hilarious
gunbars won’t work on u. need eye of newt and a battle-honed axe
i dont want to smoke u, i want to whittle a pipe that looks like u and just smoke that
Not feeling
go in on days off to shell out cells to switch from a home phone
u get called into work??? it’s cuz some kid just wished on a snow globe
Cool
my home you’ll find lego-less cuz i cant stand stepping on the shit in bare feet
in ur home u find Legolas, because u two fought side by side at Helm’s Deep.
Too forced for me man but appreciate the idea
des got a wife, true, but keeps a mistress and a girl for weekend cheating
user stays with three hos too, but only cuz it’s how he gives season’s greetings
Ok lol

Vs

Bro, your head’s getting clowned for it’s shape
That thing looks like the spoon Finny’s been cooking on since 2008
Lol ok
You old fuck, I've got something biblical on the docket
First I'll dead you, then eat EVERY Werther's Original in your pocket
I see this getting some hype but I’m like nah.. it’s just a bit simple
Senile ass, but if we’re honest, I will murder this elf
If I told you to act your age, this picture would be an urn on a shelf
Nice one
Des hates his own race, and he’s been whining for years
Can’t even go grey in peace, he thinks whites are gentrifying his beard
Not really feeling
Orbital is JACKED, the one to the right of his snout's worse
That I's been at the center of a punch more than any in Scout's verse
Ok ok
But one move or a squirm and I am shooting this worm
Lookin’ like Mr. Clean, dead for 30 years after losing to germs
The fuck is mr clean?
Someone sent me this pic, but really went the drastic route
Cuz Des’ been dead for years, his girl just photoshops the casket out
Ehhh nah

I’m voting Des in a close one