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11-14-2020, 03:24 AM
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#1 |
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low tide in serotonin bay
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,752
Battle Record: 37-28
Champed - GWL Picture Challenge
- Guerrilla Writing League
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Rep Power: 15446146   |
Master Rock wins via no-show
Give this man some feedback |
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11-14-2020, 03:25 PM
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#2 |
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Everything's Connected
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Niagara Falls, Canada
Posts: 1,001
Battle Record: 19-8
Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x)
- GWL Picture challenge(2x)
- Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 10178706 |
You finally didn't no-show! That deserves a round of applause in and of itself lol...
Nah, but for real this was cool man. I dug your take on this, some solid wordplay/concepts sprinkled in there. You wording was off though at a couple points, I noticed... but I filled in the gaps. No real issue... just thought I'd mention it. I liked this part the best: "I feel the part of the substance and dirt of which we derive produce me a seed while I intertwine, flirting with the rain in the sky cloud 9, I feel so high, this rush penetrates while voltage fertilizes terrestrial sun kisses making out till its alive" Good stuff.
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..Passed the Present and Future.. |
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